well today i had my first app with my therapist. was mainly routine visit, getting my bio and seeing what i needed and what i wanted from therapy. She seems like a nice lady, at first she reminded me of Beverly Miller but after meeting her i liked her, she's older, has depression herself and makes me feel relaxed. she asked all about my life, whats going on with me now, previous therapies, exactly what symptoms i have. She seems to think i dont have bipolar. i kinda hope i dont at the same i do. it would explain this manic feeling i have but maybe that is just anxiety, if it is maybe it will be easier to treat then bipolar. anyway i have another app with her next week, she also has me seeing a psychiatrist in a few weeks for a evaluation and to get me on meds from there. i am both scared and excited about going to this place. I want help, i know i need it. the coping skills i have had in the past arent working this time or i need newer better ones. but its a new place, new people and i dislike both. oh well time to buck up and do what needs to be done. there is too much at stake now to just sit on my ass. Jay and Ava need me to be strong. well if i cant handle my depression alone that means i need outside help. so here i go. Though james bless his heart has been a wonderfull help. i dont know what i would do without him. lol he said he did the dishes whie i was gone and even used soap ^.^  he's a good man and is trying to hard to help me now. anyway gonna cut this short. oh my mood today has been slightly sad. not sure why, just have the urge to cry.