My first blog… so bear with me. I guess I want to start with my simple frustration with feeling like "this" all the time. At 32, I feel as if it will never get any better than this. I mean really… what is the point of hanging around if your entire life is consumed by trying to battle back demons inside that seem to to exist only to take away from any joy in life at all? Pills, therapy… it all hasn't seemed to work at all and I 'm wondering if I just wasn't meant to be here… now. Not to sound all "doom" like, but truly…. what if I simply wasn't meant to be? Life as I see it is a journey to find happiness. A journey, though should have some glimpses of the ultimate goal to keep us going and striving to find what it is that makes us happy. I can't seem to get those glimpses anymore. I constantly question what it is a person like me is actually supposed to accomplish in his life while feeling like this. I guess I tend to drift towards the spiritual side of why depressed people feel the way they do as opposed to the clinical side. So when I ask the questions of why, it isn't an attempt to be a martar… it is an honest question of why I am the person I am. Why do I question everything… why do I analyze everything down to the smallest detail… and why do all those details disappoint, sadden, and anger me to the point of explosion? Details like why other people can't seem to extend common courtesies, why can't I seem to see the gifts I have in life (beautiful wife, big house, plenty of toys), and ultimately, why can I not be as content and/or ignorant as other people seem to be? I know life isn't perfect… but there must be some measure of contentment to be found somewhere. Am I wrong? I'm tired of feeling like a sponge that absorbes all the bad feelings and events that occur in the world with no way of releasing it. Am I a diffenret breed of depressed person… or are we all in a similar boat? Thanks to anyone willing to read this.
-
Why does it feel real?
Sbk1234, , Depression, Depression, Therapy, 0
I know I have clinical depression. I’ve seen the doctors. I’ve had the therapy and been prescribed the meds....
-
“I can feel the distance… getting close” – Tori Amos, “China”
thebadkitty, , Depression, 0
I need to stop reacting so much to every shift in Charlie’s mood. Every time he’s a little distant,...
-
6/18/19
CivilSouvenir, , Anxiety, Depression, Marriage & Family, Anxiety, Career, Child, Domestic Abuse, Grief, Relationships, Sex Therapy, Sexual Abuse, Therapist, Therapy, 0
It has been five years. Five years of marriage. Five years trying to heal from four years of two...
-
Why I’m Here (Besides the Obvious)
hopelessdreamer81, , Depression, Anxiety, Child, Depression, Personality Disorder, Questions, Religion, Social Anxiety, Suicide, Therapist, 2
I first tried to take my life when I was 10 years old, then again when I was 16...
-
Misguided Ghosts
sadviolinist, , Depression, Depression, Forgiveness, Therapist, 1
A new day has arrived. Why can't I be excited for it? Why can't I see the possibilities in...
-
These Hard Times
sadjac, , Depression, 0
These Hard Times- Matchbox Twenty.. Morning falls like rain into the city life There goes another night Losing my...
-
A Step in the Journey Within
ToBeNina, , Depression, Anxiety, Grief, Questions, 0
A Journey WithinEmily Dickinson wrote,The Thought is quiet as a Flake — A Crash without a Sound, How Life's...
-
Dumb Boys
hopelessdreamer81, , Depression, Depression, Relationships, Religion, 2
So last night I probably experienced the worst letdown I’ve ever had in my entire life. I didn’t think...