A Journey WithinEmily Dickinson wrote,The Thought is quiet as a Flake — A Crash without a Sound, How Life's Reverberation Its Exclamation found —
May 11the 2013
I have set out to regularly chronicle my journey within, not motivated by an inflated egotism, but rather by the hope that this sharing will spark a flame, to begin a holding of the torch by another,and the travel into the depths of self. So that you too may examine those dark corners of your cavernous reality along with the bright shining of the rays of the sun that peers through the openings.
My first insights that I would like to share with you is about the soul work that is required to move forward in a positive trajectory of exploring the meaning of one's life, as a unique force in all of creation, the process of individuation. Body, Mind and Soul are all forms of immense energy capable not only of nourishing self, but also of destroying itself. These energies can lead to life and death, consciously or unconsciously.
This aspect of our organic nature is analogous of Earth. The Earth too has forces within its nature that both gives birth and nourishes, as well as destroys. We have germination, blossoming and fruition, just as we have winter and hibernation. We have the celebration of births and new forms of adaptation, and we have natural catastrophe and death. All of these Earth phenomena are also experienced by us in our individual lives.
Those of you who may know the details of recent life events for me have perhaps glimpsed the destruction and deaths that have manifested themselves in different aspects of my life. I have had to experience the death of many archetypal, socially adept forms of the ' Me 'identity. I have had to server the trappings of the preservation of the Ego, which the mask of my persona was stoically protecting as foundational.
It has been like watching one's favourite cherry tree in full vibrant spring bloom shed all its blossoms in one unexpected big storm, and subsequently shrivel up and die. I have grieved the loss of the cherry blossoms, and have asked the deep question of 'why'…. Not ' why me' but rather 'why at all'. What is supposed to be the significance and the deeper meaning of this loss of a form of beauty and vitality. ( I am certain I am not alone in this experience. ) As I entered the winter season of this one cycle of my life, I have had to remind myself again and again that, inside every birth lies the seed of death…. The deepest expression of vulnerability and yet the only way to achieve metamorphosis. I am finally seeing I have to get on with the work at hand: to uproot the dead cherry tree and mark its loss as part of life's steps in the journey. I have to glance at the emptiness long enough without judgment and fear of the unknown, to allow the creative spirit to soar and envision a new being, germinating in the ripe soul of my garden.
I will look forward to the transforming view of the garden from my window. It is finally time this spring to look forward to a new experience– the beauty and the fragrance of bright purple lilacs instead.
Perhaps as it grows and evolves, the Lilac tree would have a less turbulent fate,, perhaps it was destined that I lose the vibrancy of the cherry blossoms to be enfolded in a new expression of beauty that has more sustainability within the condition of my garden and can thrive.
With that hope of being intoxicated in the fragrance of lilac in the near future, with creative passion of the energy of body, mind and soul, I complete this note , marking the farewell to the fragile cherry blossoms as I uproot the dug-in dried out roots. This is a marking of a new start in my journey within,towards conscious wholeness of the Self.
As Emily Dickinson has depicted, I too am experiencing the the Thought as a quiet flake, A crash without a sound, and through all of life's crashing reverberations, finding the deeper meaning and explanation.
Peace and Love,Nina. (Comments are welcome as I hope this would generate a discussion)