My first blog… so bear with me. I guess I want to start with my simple frustration with feeling like "this" all the time. At 32, I feel as if it will never get any better than this. I mean really… what is the point of hanging around if your entire life is consumed by trying to battle back demons inside that seem to to exist only to take away from any joy in life at all? Pills, therapy… it all hasn't seemed to work at all and I 'm wondering if I just wasn't meant to be here… now. Not to sound all "doom" like, but truly…. what if I simply wasn't meant to be? Life as I see it is a journey to find happiness. A journey, though should have some glimpses of the ultimate goal to keep us going and striving to find what it is that makes us happy. I can't seem to get those glimpses anymore. I constantly question what it is a person like me is actually supposed to accomplish in his life while feeling like this. I guess I tend to drift towards the spiritual side of why depressed people feel the way they do as opposed to the clinical side. So when I ask the questions of why, it isn't an attempt to be a martar… it is an honest question of why I am the person I am. Why do I question everything… why do I analyze everything down to the smallest detail… and why do all those details disappoint, sadden, and anger me to the point of explosion? Details like why other people can't seem to extend common courtesies, why can't I seem to see the gifts I have in life (beautiful wife, big house, plenty of toys), and ultimately, why can I not be as content and/or ignorant as other people seem to be? I know life isn't perfect… but there must be some measure of contentment to be found somewhere. Am I wrong? I'm tired of feeling like a sponge that absorbes all the bad feelings and events that occur in the world with no way of releasing it. Am I a diffenret breed of depressed person… or are we all in a similar boat? Thanks to anyone willing to read this.


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