My sister's best friend's dog just shit runny poop on the carpet and since I am the only one awake in the house, I am going to have to clean it up. What bites, is I let her out a little bit ago to take care of her business. YIKES!

So it is 4:40AM here in wierd Austin area Texas. I caught up on some episodes of Queer as Folk from season two. I think it is season three – five I haven't seen in there entirely. There were words spoken on the show, see title of blog, that made me think.

First we die and then we deal. This was in reference to Michael wanting to be with someone HIV positive. And his uncle with aids, told Michael's mother what would happen if Michael got with the guy with HIV and got HIV. He said "first we die and then we deal".

So to my thoughts for today's blog. If you die, can you really ever deal? Now before you say it, I know what he meant by they die (they die inside).

I'm there, been there for months now. I'm sure I should have begun to deal a long time ago. I don't want to deal. I don't have to deal. I do not accept how things have happened. I WILL not forgive people who purposely did everything they could to hurt me! They didn't just hurt me. I WILL NOT DO IT! Will writing this make me feel any better? "open eyes wide" nope, still see the fog.

I've been reading stuff from the Happiness Project and one of the things mentions is to identify the problem. >>>ME<<<

Cliche: "time heals all wounds" is not true. We heal our own wounds, we, ourself, are the only person who can do it. And today is not my day.