So I'm sort of stuck in the middle of an argument between my friend and my boyfriend. We worked things out between us…and this caused a split between my friend and I. She insists that he's emotionally abusive and that the only way for him to give me what I deserve is for him to leave me alone forever.
I wish people would listen to me. I wish someone would look at me and say hey, she'd an adult and she's smart, she knows what she's doing. I know my friend cares about me but the way she's acting is reminiscent of the way my Dad behaves. I don't know what I'm doing, I couldn't possibly know what I'm talking about, and because you won't listen to me, I'm just going to cut you off. I'm tired of this routine and I want to live my life my way.
The truth of the matter is that my boyfriend has a lot of faults. So do I. I can see this and admit to it. I'm blunt with the both of us. Just last night, while discussing things, I told him that he's pushy and mouthy and that I wanted us to be honest with each other. He agreed and that was that. But my friend doesn't seem to think that I have flaws. Any flaw that I have, she blames on him. I'm not perfect. My self-esteem has been low since I was 13. My boyfriend has tried to raise it. I've had anxiety attacks since I was 13, I've been depressed since I was 13, all of this started long before he came around. But she blames him and she even seems to make some stuff up in her head. Like she says that my grades drop when I'm with him….I don't recall ever saying that and I was on the Dean's List last quarter. I'm on the Dean's List this quarter, too, with either all A's or 3 A's and 1 B. There have been rough patches where I coudn't concentrate but those aren't all his fault, I have a tough time in school, that's just how I am but I push through.
Meh, this conflict has made me anxious. My stomach is upset and I can't tell if it's the anxiety or the rum and coke I had last night. A friend took me out for my first drink and I realized how much of a wimp I am. One drink had me sweating and dizzy. >.< Now to pack up my crap and drive home. *sigh*
This blog set off my alarm buttons. Abusive behavior can be very insidious. The abuser gradually isolates the object from his/her support system. When the object is completely isolated and has not one for whom he/she can reach out then the real abuse and denigration begin. The object of the abuse starts to believe that he/she actually deserves the abuse. Recovering from an abusive relationship is a lifelong process and the scars last forever. I don't know if you are in an abusive relationship or not. I pray you aren't. I also hope you go to the library and research it so you can realise whether hem is or not before he destroyed you.