The funny thing about depression is its ignorance. You are convinced there is nothing left, not even a speckle of light left amidst days spent in sunlight. Life seems miserable. Your heart aches. Your mind is blurred. You know, there was this house I used to pass everyday on my way home. A small little broken cottage, right in the middle of acres and acres of burnt yellow grass. I would begin to dream about that house, finding myself attracted to it like bees to a flower. My mind would create the perfect scenario. I would run away, one day, and go to that house, god knows do what once I got there. Some days I left a bag packed just in case, some days different instruments to play out an orchestra of demise. I was obsessed with death, the idea I needed to die. I was convinced I had lost life, that I was just an empty shell of what I used to be.I'll be honest now, you are a coward if you want to commit suicide. You don't quit on life. You don't throw this life away, just because it goes horribly wrong. You don't look at the clouds; the way they drift into another, or the sun; burning your eyes shut, and think for a second that this isn't life. This is life. This is wonder. This is redeeming, what I used to think was strength and courage; believing. Strength is not being able to give away your life because its unbearable. Strength is holding your hands clasped so tightly, they go numb. Its a prayer to a god that may or may not exist, the one who can save me. Strength is taking the coldest part of your heart, and forcing it to beat again. Strength is life and love.
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Labels,who needs them?!
tania, , Depression, Addiction, PTSD, 2
iv spent the day in a&e with my son who has broken his ankle. We were there for 4...
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Life
cramped_space, , Depression, Depression, Self Esteem, Suicide, 0
Life……..what does it have to offer?? Peace??…….Knowledge??….Pain?? I dnt no, and will probably nvr no the answer to tht...
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Medicinal rambling.
aethelthryth, , Depression, Addiction, Depression, Medication, Therapy, 1
Whilst i've never been on medication thus perhaps do not have the right to say whether it works or...
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A pause before leaving
Wordicle, , Depression, Anger, Domestic Abuse, Parenting, Spirituality, Weight Loss, 0
The letter I posted earlier was real and honest but the dis-ease is lifting now and leaving my son,...
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What A Difference a Day Makes
Evelyn, , Depression, Depression, Relationships, Therapy, 1
Today has been one of the most mellow days I have had in weeks. I am finally moving onward...
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When i look in the mirror
Jamaicat, , Depression, Anger, Bipolar, PTSD, 0
When I look in the mirror… When you look at me, what do you see? Every day, I look...
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Sometimes life just wins….
Sunshine2002, , Anxiety, Depression, Relationships, 0
Sometimes life just wins, like you don’t mean to let it win and when you see it start to win...
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Going ok
sadjac, , Depression, Questions, 1
I'm actually doing ok. I feel very on top of all the work I have to do for school,...