what a day… I've been on the edge of a total melt down for some time now. My therapist has encouraged me to write an angry do-not-send letter to my mom. Today I was supposed to go to the mall with my 9 yr old daughter and her friend so I got dressed into something decent, put on some make-up ect, made myself human, was actually looking forward to getting a new pair of shoes. Mine have holes in them and no ankle support and I never do anything for myself and my birthday is coming up….anyway I digress….her friend shows up and says "oh ya we have to go sell girl guide cookies first and I didn't know you were coming so…..I'm not sure what to do (the mom is driving them around obviously, they aren't alone or anything) so I'm like "fine whatever" and slammed a few things around my apartment after they left, curled up in a ball on the floor and sobbed like a fucking baby. I have been feeling so rejected and alone lately all I could think was wow I can't even get a couple of 9 year olds to hang out with me. So I used some "anger stratagies" my therapist taught me (won't she be pleased?) like pushing with all my strength against a wall to release the physical anger instead of punching the shit out of myself like I have done in the past. And I thought "alright what is this really about?" and of course the underlying core issue is my mother's abondonment so after some more tears I finally sat down and wrote the letter I have been putting off for so long. The sad thing is I don't feel any better, not really. But at least that unpleasentness is behind me for now. All I can say is denial is the most powerful force in this world. It trumps love every time.
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Stressed. Enough Said
PiscesBS, , Anxiety, Depression, LGBT, Anger, Depression, Relationships, 0
Since I’ve been gone, it’s been a helluvah ride. I became depressed and started acting out (badly). Tried to...
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Music
Lonewolf1970, , Depression, Depression, 0
Hello ladies and gentlemen. Here is another installment on music and depression. I might be going over some stuff...
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Jeez….
Unique_person, , Depression, 0
So when I’m bored, I get into that nasty habit of thinking... I feel as though nothin’ really matters...
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My angry song
sadjac, , Depression, Anger, Obesity, 0
This is the song that i listen to when i’m angry.. it sums it up quite nicely. Break stuff,...
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Finally getting help…again
rainaoki, , Depression, Anxiety, Medication, Relationships, Sleep Disorders, Suicide, 1
Friday the 28th, i had an appointment with my doctor and i am back on medication again. This time...
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The Feeling Called Love
depressednstressed, , Depression, Child, Divorce, Domestic Abuse, Emotional Abuse, Grief, 2
I had a dream the other night. It was about some guy I had never met before but he...
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Once again…
coraleelc, , Depression, Career, Child, Depression, Medication, OCD, Relationships, Sleep Disorders, 0
I was diagnosed with clinical depression in 1997 when I gave birth to a baby boy who only weighed...
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Nowhere else to turn to
kici1988, , Depression, Depression, Forgiveness, Medication, Relationships, Sleep Disorders, Suicide, 1
i'm a first time user of forums and blogs. i turn to the internet cause its my last option....
thank you for your comment Will, maybe some improvement will come from this. For now I'm not feeling a whole lot of anything. Hope your doing ok