Well again, I have been having a very hard time emotionally speaking. I'll say this first, depression is a b***h. It really can mess with you mentally. I feel I am constantly fighting with my belief in God. One minute I am thanking Him for another day and the next I am wishing the days away. I have lost count of how many blogs I have neglected to post in my webpage because of the negative content. To be honest, I'm scared someone I know will read anentry and call the police. That is one thing I love about thissite: most of youdon't "freak out," after all youknow what the darkness is like. Youknow howf***ed up it can make you and how relentless it is.
I hate to say this but I think I need to find another therapist…I've lost count of how many I have had. The current one, a Christian LPC is great but the first visit with her landed me in the hospital. Since then, I struggle with being 100% honest with her. I am so scared I will say the wrong thing or a memory will become the topic of the appointment and bring my mood down.
I remember one psychologist I saw in the early years of my depression, he was absolutely great. He was so laid back and easy going. We had a a good relationship, I could trust him. Sadly, he is in Florida and may only work with kids. I wrote him a letter shortly after moving to Georgia. He had that much impact on my teenage years. He was one of the few rays of sunshine. I would post his name but I don't want to get in trouble LoL. I always wonder if he is still practicing. Does he remember me? Does he know what an impact he has had on me?
If only I could see all of the people who have helped me since my diagnosis. Thank you doesn't seem adequate.