Hello world, sadly this is my first blog which will be in the mood of lonely from what i'm feeling right now *sighed* so… anyway thanks for reading first.

Live alone is actually QUITE unawesome.

No, It's awesome. I mean, seriously, no mom, no dad, no siblings get into your room and make a mess, on laptop 24-7 without caring of the world, my stuffs my rule, no one makes a fuss over my things too. Wow, that's heaven.

Well, that's my first thought before I decided to start this new, fresh, giddy, lovely and real crazy teenage life. I forgot what, oh! Friends problems.

I'm not actually socialized a lot with people, actually less and less after 'an accident' of my family, divorced. A lot of people would say it's a normal problem, not for me really. That accident happened about two orthree years ago when I was thirteen or fourteen. All people in the house in tears when things heated up and the argument could be heard to another street. Until my mom got chased out with her stuffs to live with her… you know, forget it.

I'm a mommy girl, I know that and not really get along with my dad. "We" had a big amount of time living in hell of everything seems so rong after she left. I felt so fragil and lonely that time. I didn't get along with sisters anymore because I'd supported my mother, that time I didn't know she's cheater… I knew but I just didn't want to believe it.

In the same time at school, I was normally obnoxious girl who liked to be a leader with a wonderful language(curse) and frowns on my faceuntil I depressed from my home issues and another 'accidently' heard my BESTFRIENDS were talking about me behind my back.

I'd changed now, better or worse, I don't even know. I became light-speakers, lack of confident, not a leader anymore and try to impress my family. I got a friend less less and less that I don't even know if I have a bestfriend. I don't have anyone to chat, to call when I see something exciting or amazing, I called my sisters and got hurt later when she always shrugged me off saying she doesn't have a time for me. Words hurt me a lot when people said I'm boring, weird, annoying, clingy, stupid…

Until I got two new friends here at this place where I lived now, for me they are best buddies! We did a lot of things together.

Until I had a boyfriend in December on my birthday.

They talked to me less, less and less.

They don't ask me to go shopping with them anymore and when I asked They said they don't have a time.

They talked on their owns, left me behind.

I didn't feel so depressed for nearly two months until yesterday.

Yesterday I went out to a town, where one of my bestfriends lives. She told me that she was taking a bath and that she's coming so I waited for her in a park.

Waited, waited and waited.

One hour passed, I messaged her three times and not received any replys.

Two hours passed, I tried to call her but she wouldn't pick up so I called her mom. She said that my friend was watching tv and she wouldn't go out any places. So I went home.

The feeling when I was waiting, passed by the people around me was empty. The feeling when I got on the bus, sitting alone on nearly deserted bus is empty, too. Until she texted me later that night said sorry and that she was out and didn't have signals.

I broke down on my knees. To see the lie when you knew the truth it's so painful…

I realized that I'm so all alone.It's so lonely, it would be nice if I have anyone to talk to. Even family. If they aren't shrugged me off every times I called. andLoneliness always brings back those memories I don't want to remember

I miss my life when everything was okay so much, my family, my old friends, my old self. As my life now I feel so broke liked a broken vase.

" Better be a vase with flowers and water; the flowers might not be pretty and the water might not be clean. Still, better than be an empty vase or a broken one"

– Brokenvase.