Well it was probably a month or two back now that I had my breakdown of sorts. I had forgotten to take my meds the day before and the day of my breakdown *holds hand out to be slapped* and i had also been sleeping badly as well as not taking care of myself.

It all started when my mother asked my father whether it would be alright for her to get up at 5:30 the next morning to take a shower before getting ready for work.  Then she noticed that i was zoning out on the couch in front of the TV and told me to go upstairs and go to bed if i was so tired.  Then dad griped that i needed to do dishes before i went to bed. I pulled a face at my mother, i suppose looking for her to counteract the "order", but she mouthed to me that she had asked me to do the dishes before she realized how tired i was.

So i went and did the dishes, feeling frustrated, sad, and exhausted.  After I finished the dishes i went upstairs and went to give my mother a goodnight hug, i just broke down and started crying.  When mom asked me what was wrong, i told her "i want my daddy back."

And my heart just broke, and i started crying harder and letting most of my pain out on my mother’s shoulder. I guess it got to the point that i was so loud that my father heard me, and came upstairs.  I sensed/saw him walk up to my mother and i screamed at him to go away while putting my mother between us.  My mom told me to get a hold of myself and then called my father back.  As she was talking to my father i had slip down the bathroom door jam and was curled into a ball, crying and rocking.  There were some points where i couldn’t stop from shaking, my leg would keep twitching uncontrolably.

After things got aired out i guess you could say… i went and took a shower, just letting the hot water flow over me as the tears continued to flow.  After my shower and i got ready for bed, I asked mom to just sit with me until i had calmed enough.  It was like old times when i would wake up crying from a bad dream, she would sit next to me while i curled around her for "protection" and she caressed my hair until i calmed.

It was so horrible, i dont want it to happen again.  And dispite everything that was said and shared, I dont even know if it got through my father’s thick skull. Because there’s nothing wrong with him, he’s NEVER been off his meds for over a day (crock of shit that), and  he’s been on his curent meds for over a year (NOT).