When it comes to my OCD, it has to do with getting sick and other’s being sick around me. In spacific throwing up. It is really hard living away from home for the first time with six other roomates, because it seems like at everytime this issue rears it ulgy head. Then evertime things calm down and I try and remidy my rituals, by making them less/loosing them all together something else happens. I can’t even leave my room most of the time. I feel so ashamed of the way I act and the way that I think, that it is easier to disconnect all together.
People in the house know for the most part about my problem and they tolrate it, but it always feels like I’m being judged behind my back and that people are pulling away from me and are annoyed from me, because I am the kind of person that asks “Are you all right?”, all of the time and I’m sure it gets tiresome to here it. Belive me it gets triesome to ask it, but I just can’t help my self. That reassurence of someone saying that they are ok is helpful in some way.
I’ll give the example of the situation this week end. I was going to stay this week end, because I was going to see the boy that I liked today (needless to say that fell threw), but I was considering going home, because my roommates have been sick on an off and of course my parent’s couldn’t come and pick me up, because they had things to do. This made me really angry and upset, because as much as my Mom tries to understand this whole thing I know that se doesn’t and just wants me to magically get over it. Well I do too, but I don’t see that happening anytime soon. Anyhow, I stay and try and occupie my time and thouht with things that need to get done and I’ve tried to remidy my rituals, by bringing them down a notch and I’ve tried to make a concious effort to spend more ime out of the room and eat properly even if that means using the same utensials as the others and so on. (That feels really strange to say out loud, but I guess it is better said than to let eat away at me). Then this moring I wake up and start to conciously do these things there one set back where I think my roommate is being sick, but I try not to freak out and fnd out my facts first and that was pretty much taken care of. Then I sit down at the computer to check a few things before showering and see that my roommate next door who has been out all night at her friend’s has been around a girl who’s been throwing up all night, so much so that she couldn’t leave the tolit and couldn’t even drink Pepto-Bismol. My roommate stayed though and was around her for the rest of the night. Now I’m the selfish one and my thoughs go right to my self and I sliently freak out. “She shares a bathroom with me and a sink, what if she gets sick?? What if I get sick, oh my gosh I can’t handel this, why did I ever move here what am I going to do, someone please help me I need to escape!!” Meanwhile I’m planning all of the way I’m going to avoid her and tha bathroom.
I hate feeling this way, why can’t I have just one break?? Just one good week where nothign happens and I can relax and focus on what is important like my health and school work? I hate the way that I’m being sometimes.

2 Comments
  1. billdoor79 13 years ago

    Hi, to be honest to have your OCD and be living away from home for the first time with that many people, you’re doing great just to still be there! Don’t beat yourself up too much, it’s very difficult to cope with, especially as a lot of stuff is out of your control with you sharing a bathroom and, no offence, but students aren’t the tidiest people at the best of times! (I’m assuming it’s a university!)
    If nothing else, come on here and let it out and try to stick with it. Take care:-)

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  2. JoyJoy82 13 years ago

    Thank you so much (both of you) for your comments. Today has been hard and they’ve really helped. I kept pretty steady and asked her and she said that it was alcohol involved. I still have a hard time not freaking out about it, but things have gotten slightly better. Being at Univirsity is one of the hardest experiences I’ve ever had when it comes to this tpe of stuff, but I’m trying to take it all minute by minute. Thanks again so much!!

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