I feel drained.  Like someone stole all my energy…  And I have not done many rituals lately.  I just feel tired.  Really really tired.  I did however do a few counting ones and a few floor mat ones.  I stopped myself from doing it once and startedto freak out a little bit.  But I didn't give in.  That's when the I don't care, whatver, entered my head. 

So yeah…  Work was Mk.  I did not want to go.  I lazied around until 6pm then took a shower.  Didn't get to work until 7:30.  I just couldn't get off the couch.  I kept telling myself get up and go get ready.  And I would answer in my head, in a little bit, this feels good.  leave me alone.  Just laying here doing nothing.  All stretch out under a blanket.  leave me alone stupid thoughts.  Then I looked at the stupid clock and made myself get up.  It took every ounce of energy I had to get up.  Which wasn't much.  The shower felt good.  The water on my skin.  Then I mustered up enough energy to get dressed.  I wanted to just lay back down and do nothing.  But I knew I couldn't…  Because i had to go to stupid work… 

Then I got to work and I didn't feel like working…  i was hopeing it would just clean itself.  But I knew that wasn't going to happen.  I didn't start until about 8:30.  Then I forgot where I put my keys and had to retrace my steps.  Then it just felt like I was doing things, like mmm whatever.

Now I am going to go to bed.  That sounds nice.