I feel drained. Like someone stole all my energy… And I have not done many rituals lately. I just feel tired. Really really tired. I did however do a few counting ones and a few floor mat ones. I stopped myself from doing it once and startedto freak out a little bit. But I didn't give in. That's when the I don't care, whatver, entered my head.
So yeah… Work was Mk. I did not want to go. I lazied around until 6pm then took a shower. Didn't get to work until 7:30. I just couldn't get off the couch. I kept telling myself get up and go get ready. And I would answer in my head, in a little bit, this feels good. leave me alone. Just laying here doing nothing. All stretch out under a blanket. leave me alone stupid thoughts. Then I looked at the stupid clock and made myself get up. It took every ounce of energy I had to get up. Which wasn't much. The shower felt good. The water on my skin. Then I mustered up enough energy to get dressed. I wanted to just lay back down and do nothing. But I knew I couldn't… Because i had to go to stupid work…
Then I got to work and I didn't feel like working… i was hopeing it would just clean itself. But I knew that wasn't going to happen. I didn't start until about 8:30. Then I forgot where I put my keys and had to retrace my steps. Then it just felt like I was doing things, like mmm whatever.
Now I am going to go to bed. That sounds nice.