I hope I can get some help from the community on this, because I really find myself in a pickle here.

My current predicament is that my girlfriend of 2 years is having doubts about our relationship again. I was thinking to myself that this is silly because we build each other up so what's the problem? Then I really thought about it.. Do we? She builds me up. She makes me want to beat my stupid disorders and lead a normal life. She pushes me to be better and is always there for me when I'm going through anxiety, panic attacks, or intrusive thoughts.

But, upon asking her, I found out I don't really do anything to help her. This is completely devastating to me. I should be making this woman feel better about her life, and all I'm doing is dragging her down with this disorder. I've done it with family countless times, lost friends over it, and now I may be losing her over it. I HATE MY STUPID BRAIN. I wish I could just find that OCD and cut it out of my head with a knife. I'd so do it if I could.

But since I can't do that, I came up with something to try in the mean time. I can work on not always depending on her and finding new friends to lean on, but I need to have something that will encourage her to stay and let her know that I can't help what's going on inside my head.

I'm wondering if anyone knows of any books for people who are close to those with OCD. Something that can maybe explain what I'm going through better than I can in my own words. I'm mostly "Pure O" myself so one with a heavy emphasis on rituals may not work that great.

I just want the most wonderful woman in the world to know that it's not a problem with us, it's a problem with this stupid wiring in my head. Still, I do need to take more responsiblity and handle my situations without having to drain her all the time. I just want her to know where I'm coming from so she doesn't think I'm just using her like some sort of drug or something. It wouldn't hurt for her to understand my struggle better.

So, any suggestions on books? Or what I can do to keep myself from running to her every time one of my lovely quirks flares up?