Today started off better than usual. NO bad dreams to wake me at least. I went to the dentist and then to the barber later. I'm going to a different AA meeting tonight than I usually go to on Tuesdays. A friend of mine is giving the lead. I'm interested to see if she mentions me at all. It doesn't matter, I'm just curious. I'm a curious person  Also, it may help me to stay clean and sober myself.  It hasn't been easy fo me lately. But that's not why I'm here today

I'm not making as many friends here as I thought I would. That's what I really want to talk about. Maybe I'm just not all that interesting, IDK. That's ok, I'm not trying to get more attention. YOu probably think i'm lying, that I'm just feeling sorry for myself, but I'm not. it's just making new friends is not easy for me. Most of you probably feel the same, I'm getting that impression. I do find it easier to do online. To be anonymous . Almost entirely. It doesn't matter what others think of you for you will most likely never meet them. You won't if you don't want to. So they're impression of you can never really be confirmed nor denied.

Also, everything you say can be edited first. I like that the most, to be able to read what you wrote first, before sending it. If you say something stupid or offensive to that person, you can catch yourself before sending it. It's not too late to try to take back. So you can put more thought into it and roll it around. Also,  there is no immediate reaction, no stimuli to make  you feel embarrassed or even ashamed. I think you all can understand that. can't  you? However, if there  is NO response, it's easy to feel shunned, that your words, your blogs,  were worthless, unread in the first place. That no one gives a shit, that there is no real support here and a waste of your time.

I just want to know if anyone agrees with me. Or is that true?

OK, now i'm just rambling, maybe not even making any sense. I'm tired now and discombobulated. I get that way in the middle of the afternoon. I do sleep too much but it helps me cope. That's one way to escape, a healthy way I believe. Like I said, the day has been good so far, what I really mean is that nothing bad has happened, YET, so it's a good day. If it's not completely rotten, then it's just ok. I've said enough.



1 Comment
  1. vividdoug 12 years ago

    Thank you. i wil. Heading out for it now but i'd love to chat when I get home if you want. I'll look for you but he stupid messenger here does not always allow it for some reason. Anyone else hav problems witht hte messenger here?


    0 kudos

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