First of all I thank you all who commented on my last blog. You made me feel like someone understood what I was and still am going through. It's a great feeling, especially when I've only ever talked to one other person who knows what I'm going through.

Today my cat still has diarrhea. He's had it since Thursday. I work in a vet's office and I went to school to be a vet tech and so I talked to the doctor I work for and he told me what kind of medicine to give him. I gave him the first dose today at 4:27. I plan on giving him another dose in the morning. It is kaopectin I think, but I am hoping it's just the kind with kaolin and pectin in it because the human kaopectate contains bismuth salicylate and cats should not have that. I know I'm boring you with these thoughts but it helps to type it out. I trust the doctor I work for but I still worry I will hurt my cat.

Tomorrow I leave to go to Georgia for a concert and then to NC and I will not be back until Thursday. This is making me very stressful. My cat's health is of the upmost importance to me and I'm afraid that I will not be doing all I can for him while I am gone. I am worried my mother will not be able to medicate him and I NEED him to get better. The stress this has caused me is crazy. stress triggers my compulsions I guess and it is really hard to deal with.

Now I am struggling with the need to straighten my hair. I have told myself I won't do it until the morning hoping this will help him get better, even though I know it won't. I am afraid if I do it tonight he won't get better and I can't be responsible for that. I want to do all I can for him. I'm still doing other things to try to deal with the stress and help him but I know these things are not related to the situation and it's SO hard to do them or not do them.

I hate this feeling. I don't know if it's helplessness or if it's just fear but I really hate it. I want him to get better and I want to go on my trip and have a good time.