So my ocd has been a pain in the butt. I have been in… Scartch that WAS in a serious relationship for almost a year. Until my ocd decided to start targeting her. It got so bad that I felt like I couldn't breathe around her. So my heart (although deeply caring about her) grew hardened from the stupid obsessive thoughts that acted up when around her or even in her presence. So… I did the healthy thing. I broke up with her. Now… Here I am feeling like I can finally breathe again, yet my heart is hurting because that wasn't what I truly wanted I don't think?. And my heart hurts also for hurting her. She's devastated. I was honset with her through it all and as my ocd got worse I had warned her it was getting outta control. Little did she know that her mere presence was putting my mind at a torturous attack with stupid RETARDED unpleasant thoughts. It kept lying to me. I tried therapy, medicine (still looking for the right 1), and staying busy to help in order to fight for what was left in our relationship. But the ocd just made me to a place that I couldn't live. It seemed like my only option was to run. And now that I'm away… I do feel better ocd wise. But my heart :(. That wasn't MY free will acting. And I am so broken feeling. Has this ever happened to any of you?. Do you think that I did the right thing?. I keep replaying the past in my head thinking was there anything that I could've done differently or tried harder. Was it all just meant to end?. Maybe she wasn't the right person for me. How do I know that ocd isn't just sabbatoging my life???.
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Thanks for the advice!!!. It's funny you have no idea how many people have been telling me to think about myself lately :P. I always thought I was too selfish of a person. I guess the truth is my compassion for others takes a tole on me sometimes. I mean… I'm grateful for the ability to be compassionate but sometimes I don't really know how to only consider my own feelings. Does that make sense?. Like I am constantly thinking of how the other person will feel if I do this or that. I'm borderlining a "people-pleaser". Except not the door mat type where I get walked on necessarily. I just don't know how to think about my happiness whether it hurts someone else's feelings. Part of me feels bad for even wanting to. I'm so confused!!!.
Can this lover remain a friend to you? If you view it that way, as in you aren't committed to one another but still care for each other and are friends, it may make the obsessions dwindle, and then at least you still have that person in your life that you do care for. And you don't have to wonder what type of feelings you feel for her, because you have nothing to lose as friends.
I feel your pain! I've been married for 10 years with Relationship OCD. It's hell. I even wrote a book about how awful it is. It affects me, my wife, my kids. Some days I think it will all be fine; other days I think there's no way I can make it in my marriage. I'm sorry you're having these struggles. The only real answer I've found is friendship and medication (which only helps some).
tblue… I'm deeply fascinated with your situation. Forigve me if this sounds too forward but I don't have many ocd friends especially fewer ocd friends that have much of a LIFE. I'm fascinated that you were "allowed" to be in a relationship. Do you care to share like biggest struggles that u've faced dealing with ocd and commitment?. I totally understand if that's too personal no worries but I just want to know if there is such a life of happily married when you struggle with ocd?. Does your wife have ocd. I have often wondered that maybe if I dated a person with ocd (since my girlfriend definitely thought it was just crazy) that maybe it'd work out better???.