So, i just wanted to add that the past two days have been all forms of hell wrapped into one. the feeling unbearable, the hopelessness no longer a thought but a lifestyle, everything hit the fan. and to be honest i really wish i could literally hit a sharp bladed fan with my throat but back to the point, there is no help for me in this world. i cant do this. i just lost my gf even moreso than before and you know what? it isnt ok. im not ok at all. I need help but no one, no matter how much they wish to, can truly help me. no therapist, no family member, not my gf or friends either. dont get me wrong, im extremely grateful i have them, just, nothing helps anymore. im insane. everyones pulling for me to get through this, they believe in me, every last one of them, but i have absolutely zero faith or hope that it will happen. and the truth is, no hospital can help me, no place on this earth i go. everything in my body is urging me to kill myself tonight, but a small piece of my brain, the part that loves, wont let me do that. it needs to protect my beloved gf, family, and friends. it knows that if i go out, i kill them inside, murder them, and my parents might even go to jail, then also my sister would be screwed, my gf would kill herself literally, maybe others would too. im important to them. i matter to them. but not to me i dont. and im telling you straight up that if this ocd takes my gf for good in my mind, that im doing it, killing myself. and that isnt a threat, its the truth about how severe this matter has gotten. my limits are far beyond overloaded and i couldnt take anymore a long time ago. im signing this as a loser who lost the battle to OCD, life, and everything in between. – Jordan