Hello everyone,

Well another day is come and gone.  As winter approaches I am thankful that as each month passes by I am able pay the rent each month.  Of course there have been a few scary moments.  Not having been able to aquire a job has been frustrating to no end.  However, I think that my doctors are idiots when they tell me to relax and take it easy.  Easy for them to say. 

     Back in January when the Navy handed me a diagnosis of HIV I never could have imagined I would be in the situation I am now.  Of course that is life 101 for the average joe. lol.  Never be suprised at what may come with the winds of change.

     On the other hand in the past 9 months I have seen many changes happen.  I experienced the decline and fall of a once promising career as a Navy Line Corpsman, re-entry into the world at large as a civillian, loss of my family (due to my diagnosis), and many other things.

     Of course there have been moments when I wondered if it was worth continuing on.  Plenty of them.  There are precious few to whom I am able to turn to for solace and advice day to day in my life, however, I am learning to be satisfied with a simple unassuming life.  Not fun, however, it could be worse, not much, but it could.

     At this point I have a place of my own,  I share a house with two other people ( negs).  It is not much, but at least I have my own room.  I am debating wether or not to attempt work in alaska out in the Berring Sea again.  Before I joined the Navy I worked out at sea.  I loved it.  Had a lot of fun and enjoyed the life it provided.  Of course who knows.  College (winter quarter) is due to arrive soon, so either I will go back to school or go to alaska.  Anyone\'s guess. lol.  love the choice.

     On a note of interest my oldest sister Christina flew into town for her birthday.  She does not know of my status as of yet.  While she knows something is up, she hasn\'t pushed me too much for an answer.  Of course she keeps asking what is wrong.  Especially after I gave her the family ring to give to her son(he is due to turn 18 this december).  When I gave her the ring she tensed up and I think almost cried.  The ring is only handed over upon the death of the current bearer.  While I am not dead, I didn\'t feel right hanging on to it as I have no one to pass it on to.  I am sure my nephew will be excited to recieve it.  Perhaps she will understand after I tell her about the HIV.

     In all other regards my case worker is an interesting person of sorts.  She wants to help me, however, feels that her hands are tied by the VA\'s ability to do absolutely nothing about anything and to draw out the dissability compensation process as long as possible.  I think perhaps she senses my frustration with the VA as my future is as uncertain as an earthquake because of it.  She is a good woman who, I think really truly does care.  I am glad I chose her as my case worker.  Of course a job would be a godsend right now.  So of course would having a partner.  Then again who knows.  Perhaps in time.

     Well have a wonderful day.