Well it\'s been about 4 months now since I was diagnosed. I\'ve come a looooonnngg way since then. I was just thinking this morning, on the way to work, how in the beginning maybe it would\'ve been a lot easier to just give up and let it take me. No hassles with getting medication. No hassles with getting a good doctor to provide me with continuing care. No hassles with insurance plans. No hassles with hiding my condition from friends, coworkers, family and the like. Seems like it would\'ve been a lot easier for everyone if I just ceased to exist.

Maybe because I have somebody in my life who has been there from the start, who has been understanding, nonjudgemental, sympathetic, caring, supportive and loving; I found the courage to go on. I found a reason to keep on.

I wonder how many others in the same situation have someone who is strong and as supportive as who I have? Having that makes such a difference. And then there\'s having a support group like this to be able to go to that also helps. I haven\'t really made as much use of the group as I can and should, but everyone here who has reached out to me is very much appreciated.

Don\'t worry, I\'m not feeling suicidal or anything right now. I may still not have accepted my condition yet. Still may be in denial a bit. I\'m stubborn like that I guess. I\'m not ready to give up doing things I used to do even though I know I can\'t anymore. Sometimes I kick myself when I think about some things I can\'t do any longer (even though I never had the opportunity to do them in the first place).

I can\'t blame anybody else, even though it would be easy to do so. I\'m the one responsible for my predicament. I\'m the one who has to answer to God in the end. The good news is, thank God He is a God of a Second Chance. If you really want forgiveness, He will give it to you, no matter how late in the game it is. It\'s good to have beliefs like that.