Being a single, working mother of two boys often feels like more than I can handle. There are so many days when I'm so tired, I could cry. When I feel completely empty, like I have nothing to give my children. I don’t know what makes me more depressed, the tiredness, or the feeling of guilt. I can hear my own monotone voice asking them how their day has been. I don't even have the energy to feign enthusiasm. On days like this, everything is reduced to the bare necessities. Dinner might be a sandwich or a bowl of boiled pasta. Ironically, they're just as pleased, or perhaps more so, especially if I let them slather as much butter as they want on their noodles. I usually eat the same, hoping to fill my tank, not because I'm hungry, but because I feel empty. It's not just that I am tired. At these moments, I'm also painfully aware of how alone I feel, how forsaken. For at least a few moments, as I'm eating my noodles, I am soothing my soul.
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So you think you cant go to school..
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hey tribe,its been six months roughlysince my diagnosis in april of this year. today I got the reults back...
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Wow. Thank you for reading and for the kind words circledmoon. Yes, writing about it does lift the burden a bit. I would love to write more…if only I had the time! Sometimes I worry that I sound like I'm whining and complaining. I'm actually very grateful for what I have and have done in my life. But, we all have our low days, and since I'm not really "out" with my diagnosis, I don't really have anyone with whom I can share my feelings. This is the only place where I can post my thoughts, no matter how dark, and feel understood.
I visited your page and it's very inspirational and insightful. Thanks again for taking the time to comment.
Thanks to everyone who responded to this blog. I'm overwhlemed with the kind words of comaraderie, understanding, and concern. You have of course validated me and helped me put some of my feelings into perspective. I hope I didn't bring anyone down. That wasn't my intention. I'll try to write a more uplifting entry soon