Satisfied with the course of your life ?
If I were to answer that question now I would be unsure. I
really started thinking about this last Wednesday when I helped take her 5 year
old son to his first day of kindergarten. It made me think back to my first day
in kindergarten. From there the memories just snowballed. I quickly went
through my grade school years, touched up on my 20s and caught up with today. I
thought about how it’s already August and how quickly this year has been flying
by. I questioned what I’ve done with my life so far. I also got anxiety because
I love my girlfriend, but I started wondering if I’m ready to be in the life of
a 5 year old. Overall I feel I’m just overwhelmed because life seems to be
happening so fast. I’m also doubting if my life has had any relevance. Have I made
any type of impact with my time here on earth
Another factor that contributed to my spiral is that
Depression Tribe has started over. I’ve lost all my old friends. I lost
everything I’ve spent years to build…my blogs, my pictures, the guestbook
feedbacks on my wall. It’s frustrating because I felt like my entire existence
got wiped out. I relied on this web site to be my safe haven and it was
completely erased. I guess my last gripe is that there’s a word minimum on the
blogs. I understand they want to have a difference between a status update and
a blog, but sometimes you just want to talk about an idea in your head and
putting a minimal word restriction on it is not appealing.
This world is getting so mechanical and transactional.
Everything has to be defined it’s annoying. For example, I tried submitting this blog and the website says it didn’t have 300 words, but when I typed it out on Microsoft Word it told me I already had 300 words
As the parent of a 9 year old, I can tell you that no one ever feels ready to be involved in a child’s life. My child was a wonderful surprise but even if he wasn’t, I can tell you there was no amount of prepping I could do to prepare myself for the overwhelming fear I still feel when I wonder if I’m raising him well, if I’m making good choices on his behalf, if my choices are going to scar him, etc. What I’ve learned over the last 9 years is that bad parents are the ones who don’t care how their actions/words impact their child(ren). The good ones are the ones who, like me, become neurotic worrywarts when they leave their pondering unchecked. 🙂
In short, the fact that you are taking this seriously is a good sign that you are probably more ready than you realize to be involved in this little guy’s life. Good luck to you on your journey!