Started work, finally after 3 yrs, but i constantly worry that i\’m gonna get sacked 🙁 . Hadn\’t worked for 3 yrs because of arthritis. And although i do my best it is extremely painful. I am constantly worrying that, because i am slow and sore, i\’m going to get in trouble. I have always worked since i was 16, and to get arthritis and technically become disabled is more that my brain can handle. I live in the country so jobs are hard to come by and living on welfare doesn\’t pay for much. I try so hard to make it through but, sometimes, i hit a wall and just can\’t go any further. I don\’t identify as disabled, so it is hard to justify how slow i am. My employer has been very accommodating, but it doesn\’t make me feel any better 🙁 . Work is my only get out of home thing atm. So to lose it would be devastating, both financially and mentally. I just want it to get easier…. I just want to feel useful again. I\’m sick of my body not allowing me to do things that i used to be able to do. I have never felt so isolated and alone as i do now. I mean, shit, I\’ve been tough for years. I deal with my anxiety and my depression. It is what it is. Getting older sucks, but i\’m not 65 i\’m 43. I should be able to have a job and do it properly. I shouldn\’t be stressing out because i\’m not even sure if my body will hold out 🙁. I have had depression and anxiety since i was 12. Wasn’t medicated till i was 24. When i was diagnosed with post natal depression. Which was a crock but whatever they gave me drugs and all was good :D. I meditate when i can, i take the nasty drugs they give me to relieve my arthritis, i go out to work, to pay my bills and to help my self esteem. My self esteem, however, is kinda stuffed up because i physically just can’t do it. No matter how hard i try :(.
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Old Memories
MrTeaOwl, , Depression, Depression, 1
I have had trouble keeping friendships and just having people in my life. Everyone seems to have faded from...
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I feel so awful
Twiggysiren, , Anxiety, Depression, Anxiety, Depression, Psychosis, Relationships, Sleep Disorders, Therapist, 1
I truly feel awful. I can’t explain it, and in fact I don’t want to explain it, I just...
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Fat whore
Athena_Lockheart, , Depression, Grief, Medication, Obesity, Relationships, Sleep Disorders, 1
I am sittig here after eating. I am such a fat whore. I want to puke. I ate so...
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Justified
sadviolinist, , Depression, Bipolar, Career, Child, Depression, Medication, Questions, Schizophrenia, Sleep Disorders, 0
The dreams are what get to me. I close my eyes and have these intense, realistic dreams that I'm...
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Been a while…
QuadRaptor, , Depression, Anxiety, Career, Questions, 0
I know I haven't posted here in quite a while, so I thought I'd stop by to say hello....
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Subtle sounds and whispers
choralone, , Depression, Sleep Disorders, 0
hello it’s me again. And tonight’s story is called. Ridiculous happy when miserable or lost. It started out...
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In Pittsburgh
Heffaloo, , Depression, Relationships, Sleep Disorders, 2
We got to Pittsburgh from Oklahoma yesterday afternoon. There was no problem getting to the hotel and checked in. ...
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Non-commercial Online Depression Learning Event
TroyC, , Depression, Anxiety, Bipolar, Depression, Forgiveness, Medication, PTSD, Questions, Sleep Disorders, Spirituality, Stress, Therapist, Therapy, Weight Loss, 0
Hi All- We’re following in the extremely large footsteps of Oprah and Eckhart Tolle and created a fourt...