yesterday wasn't a good day, but what made it worse was i went to my doctors, couldn't see my doctor as he wasn't in, so had to see this female doctor who i just really hate, i feel she looks down on me and is really patronising . i've been having having trouble breathing for about 3 weeks, but just thought i was coming down with something due to all the cold/wet weather we've had,  Well when i went to ask for an idea of what it maybe she checked out my heart and lungs and then just said "well i will send you for some test" bloods, ecg and chest x-ray – ok this is where my stupid head went into overdrive – words like "what the hell" and "omg am i seriously ill" and "no no i can't cope with this" and few more (i don't do illness, i'm never ill, can't be ill, not allowed to be ill have too much going on to be ill) – then she filled in a couple of forms – said i had to rest until the tests (duh i have 5 kids and depression as if it going to be that easy!) she never once said what she thought it might me, not 1 clue to what could be going on i felt like screamin "read my notes, i am never ill, I have depression and anxiety, my doctor has noted that i need everything to be explained"   she handed me the forms told me to call the hospital and arrange the appointments for as soon as possible!  then hubby brought up my panic attacks and she just said "give it time" (ok is 5 years not time enough?)  Hubby was just as gob smacked as me we just sat there staring at each other before she ushered us out the door!  OK so i only go to the doctors when i have to go for a meds review but thats because its the only time i have to go!

So i'm sat at home worried whats going on with my stupid body, hubby made the appointments as there is no way i could've made those phone calls, worst of worst – my 1st appointment for my ecg and bloods is on Friday and the only appointment they could give me ment i have to go alone as hubby is at college doing an exam and sis-in-law will need to take the kids to school and pre-school – so great i'm scared stupid facing this alone – argh why can't life be simple? i just want 1 year to go smooth and simple but nope not me – not allowed!

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