You can call me coraline, I would like to share part of my story in hopes that someone out there can help me and maybe my story will help you.
My anxiety was diagnosed in 2014 after the truth came out about my brother raping me when I was just 12 years old. From the beginning I was always a shy girl who kept to herself, for some time my secret was safe because my biggest fear was ruining my family. When the truth came out my mother began feeding farther into her addiction, into alcoholism. She became my new aggressor, instead of taking something from me I recieved bruises and constant verbal abuse.
In 2014 misunderstood and angry at the world I got expelled and went to a GED class where I met my first love. Last week he left me because of my anxiety, depression, and overall just me I am the hopeless cause born into defeat.
My anxiety has progressed into something that scares me more than anything I’ve been through. I no longer leave the house unless I am going to work because I am afraid of feeling the thumps hit my chest like a hammer to glass, I am afraid of feeling the world spin around me to the point I faint. I am afraid to eat because my body rejects the food as if it is some sort of poison to my body. I fear I won’t be able to make it to get help,
I remember how many times I’ve thought I wouldn’t make it but somehow I pulled through the ashes and brushed myself off knowing I would be set aflame because fighting back is the hardest thing anybody can do, I stand again facing my own demons as if it was a dragon that needs to be slain so I can move on to a better life;
A real life.
I stand here today broken but not defeated, tomorrow I will go to work where I was promoted at the age of 17 I will not crumble to the thought of heartbreak because I built a makeshift cast around my heart before and I will not bury beneath the waves when I am the storm who can take on anything that comes her way. We were all born into a broken world, with different perspectives.
It is the path we choose for ourselves that will change our lives, and the very world that is beneath our feet.