You can call me coraline, I would like to share part of my story in hopes that someone out there can help me and maybe my story will help you.

My anxiety was diagnosed in 2014 after the truth came out about my brother raping me when I was just 12 years old. From the beginning I was always a shy girl who kept to herself, for some time my secret was safe because my biggest fear was ruining my family. When the truth came out my mother began feeding farther into her addiction, into alcoholism. She became my new aggressor, instead of taking something from me I recieved bruises and constant verbal abuse.

In 2014 misunderstood and angry at the world I got expelled and went to a GED class where I met my first love. Last week he left me because of my anxiety, depression, and overall just me I am the hopeless cause born into defeat.

My anxiety has progressed into something that scares me more than anything I’ve been through. I no longer leave the house unless I am going to work because I am afraid of feeling the thumps hit my chest like a hammer to glass, I am afraid of feeling the world spin around me to the point I faint. I am afraid to eat because my body rejects the food as if it is some sort of poison to my body. I fear I won’t be able to make it to get help,

I remember how many times I’ve thought I wouldn’t make it but somehow I pulled through the ashes and brushed myself off knowing I would be set aflame because fighting back is the hardest thing anybody can do, I stand again facing my own demons as if it was a dragon that needs to be slain so I can move on to a better life;

A real life.

 

I stand here today broken but not defeated, tomorrow I will go to work where I was promoted at the age of 17 I will not crumble to the thought of heartbreak because I built a makeshift cast around my heart before and I will not bury beneath the waves when I am the storm who can take on anything that comes her way. We were all born into a broken world, with different perspectives.

It is the path we choose for ourselves that will change our lives, and the very world that is beneath our feet.

 

5 Comments
  1. delane 4 years ago

    ***Hugs***
    i’m proud of you for making a difference!!!!

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  2. lones73 4 years ago

    I feel for you <3 i too don't go anywhere anymore, except for work. I find meditation works, to get me through but i do prefer my own company. I am proud of you to accept what you have and still get up in the morning. It's a hard thing to do, but sometimes it's all you have.

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  3. bridgie101 4 years ago

    that was beautiful. But you need to go through the process of making your past something that is in the past.

    And not something that comes with you.

    You’re carrying too much stress. 🙂 when you offload it you won’t know yourself, because you have a beautiful spirit and a delightful way about you. You’re something special, just need a chance to shine.

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    • Author
      coraline 4 years ago

      I’ve decided to try medication again, I think that’s one thing that can actually help me. Therapy wasn’t very comfortable for me, I just wonder what else I can do to be better for myself, that will work for me.
      I used to be an artistic person, Ive lost my joy in everything that I do I just want myself back..

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  4. cheesygirch 4 years ago

    Coraline, you are an extremely brave young lady. don’t ever forget that. I’m writing this in tears because i hate to see someone as young as you are going through this. it really breaks me. my heart goes out to you, 100 percent. you are so strong, i couldn’t tell you that enough. i read that you are an artist which is amazing because that is such a great outlet for pain. i myself go to art when i feel crappy or anxious.
    your writing is ABSOLUTELY beautiful. you should really think about journalling. thats what I’ve been doing and it is so helpful and you seem to have a way with words. i know i may not know you personally but know that ill be sending good vibes. stay strong, you got this. you always do. 🙂 also, if you ever wanna chat even if its not about anxiety, I’m ur girl

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