Sometimes I feel like I am an actress, or a broadway star, or just someone who knows how to put on a really good show for everyone else around me. My whole life I have had to play a part and pretend to be okay and live in a house with parents who think I am someone who is completely perfect with nothing wrong at all. But these past 8 years have been the hardest, the hardest at trying to pretend to be okay and hiding all of my fears and insecurities. The wall I have been slowly building is collapsing and somedays it is so hard to breathe . I am tired of holding my breath and pretending like all is okay, cause things are not okay. On top of having anxiety, I also live my life fighting with my binge eating disorder and body dysmorphic disorder. Every morning waking up has been a living nightmare and trying to spend my days working on ignoring that small voice in my head that is telling me that I am not worth it, that I am ugly and should be ashamed of how I look, or not to eat because “you will keep getting fatter and fatter” is so tiring. Even worse are the days where I can’t get myself to stop eating. I apologize if this sounds like a giant rant about how awful my life has been, because I don’t mean it to be. But being a part of a community where I know that I am not alone and know that everyone is trying their best helps me cope and helps me release some of the breath that I have been holding for so long. So I take everyday, one minute at at time just trying to breathe.
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Its all crashing down
Darunia, , Anxiety, Anxiety, Depression, Therapist, 1
Well this is my first blog, I dunno exactly how this goes but I need to vent. I got...
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Dealing with anxiety with crazy busyness
patrick2009, , Anxiety, Anxiety, Depression, Religion, 0
2:41 pm, 7/30/09 Thursday Slowing down from my frantic busyness. I went to business meeting and then came back...
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Anticipation
Jack21, , Anxiety, Parenting, 0
Its hard to pretend that your stories matter after that. They just melt like ice cubes, dissolve into nothingness....
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Distracted Driving
Paranoid_Android, , Anxiety, Child, Questions, Stress, 0
Sometimes (most times) I have trouble keeping my head focused on the moment or activity at hand. If I...
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None
Thelema, , Anxiety, Career, Child, Relationships, Sex Therapy, Weight Loss, 0
I did the travel league Sunday. It was fun and I like seeing different parts of the state and...
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A to Z
aimless, , Anxiety, Anger, Anxiety, Child, Personality Disorder, Relationships, Schizophrenia, 1
A• Are you available? always• What is your age?: 25• What annoys you?: tailgaters. Idiots. People who speed up...
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Back to Basics
OrangeTree, , Anxiety, Depression, Questions, Religion, Self Esteem, Therapist, Weight Loss, 0
It’s raining like hell outside and it’s very nice. I’ve always loved the rain even when I was very...
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Hello
mpanek, , Anxiety, Anxiety, Depression, Domestic Abuse, Relationships, Suicide, 1
Jeez, Where should I start? I suppose the begining would be nice, but I can\'t remember a time when...