I was recently hospitalized for exactly one week for severe psychotic depression, anxiety, and PTSD, and I have been out of the hospital for a week now. For the most part, I do feel much better. The world feels a bit more hopeful and I’m trying to focus more on myself for once instead of trying to make everyone else happy and comfortable. That’s all I was doing before and I quickly lost myself. I need these breaks in reality to become reacquainted with myself. I can’t stress how important that is. Trying new things, trying new versions of old things you used to like, going new places, meeting new people. New stuff is scary, which is why you take it in bite-sized pieces, but it really is fuel to keep moving forward.
So the hospital. This facility was much dingier than the last place I stayed in. The last time, three years ago, it was bright, homey, comfortable, quiet, and we had more freedoms. This place was bare, old, and run like a prison (not to say that the staff was mean, it was just very restrictive). There was also a larger variety of behavioral health issues on my floor because I was admitted on the “Overflow Floor”. Behavioral health facilities withing hours of me were all full this season, and so I was brought to this place which was very far from home. I took the last available spot. It’s tragic how many people need help in an era which has a severe shortage of psychiatrists and mental health facilities or acknowledgement from our government. Anyway, while I couldn’t wait to get out, there was no denying that I was safe and I was getting help. For that, I am thankful.
I’ve mentioned in the past that my previous psychiatrist took off without warning, moving his practice to another state. That was a year and a half ago, and I’d been having trouble getting in to see a psych doc ever since then. They’re all booked up around here and not taking new patients. Now that I was admitted to the hospital, I became a prioritized patient and have been assigned a doctor through a community behavioral health company that works with low income patients. I haven’t met her yet, but I will be seeing her in a couple weeks. In the meantime, I do have the meds that I was prescribed in the hospital.
I know there are a lot of stigmas attached to medication. I’ve said this on here before and I’ll say it again, I am NOT ashamed to need the help of medication. I am sick and sick people take medicine, it’s as simple as that. You wouldn’t tell a person with heart disease not to take their medication- this is the same thing. That doesn’t mean all “strains” of depression require medication, but mine does and I will happily hold out my hands for my refills. I do not feel like a different or lesser person as long as I’m on the right stuff. I function more productively and much happier as opposed to times when I am un-medicated. I know a lot of people become frustrated when their medication isn’t working, but instead of communicating with their doc and trying new prescriptions, they just give up on medication altogether. I’m not a medical professional, but I SO highly advise against that. (For anyone that’s interested or has an experience with these meds they’d like to share, I am currently taking Lexipro and Abilify. The Abilify seems to be working so far, but I do know it’s going to be some time before I feel the full effects of the Lexipro.)
Today I feel anxious, but I’m confident it will wear off and I’ll have the good day that I’ve been looking forward to all week. Thanks for reading, anyone that’s made it this far. <3