Well, I’m not a trained professional by any means, but I think there are a couple of things going on here. First, I suspect you have had the same goal for a long time and don’t really know how to envision what your life will look like once you attain that goal. That can be a very scary position to be in, especially if you deal with anxiety. (Anxious people sometimes cope by trying to be in control of everything.) I can relate to that – big time. But the good news is that, after having seen “the other side” of a few mountains I was terrified of climbing, I can tell you there is usually something better on the other side. And even if it’s not better, it’ll be new and different. Try to think of it as a thrill ride.

It also sounds like you may be experiencing some classic fear of success. It can be pretty scary to let yourself enjoy receiving what you want. I know I have a hard time with that. For me, it is because of a long history of trauma in my childhood – losing close loved ones, being repeatedly disappointed, abuse, neglect, etc. Any time I get close to achieving a goal, I start to panic that “the Universe” won’t let me be successful. I wish I had some advice on beating that – I don’t. But I have been told I’m a good listener so if you ever want a sympathetic ear, you can borrow one of mine.

Good luck on your journey!