I am feeling really anxious all of a sudden and I am not for sure why. Well, I might have an idea why. I hate this about myself, but I absorb other people's emotions really easily. It doesn't even have to be a real person, if I am just reading about depression or someone being depressed then it is so easy for me to slip into that mode as well. I really wish I had more control over this aspect of myself and that I could just "be me" regardless of what I am reading or what other people are feeling.

I was feeling anxious, and I have been worried lately that I am developing OCD so I googled some OCD websites to see how my symptoms compared to other people. I came across this really need blog that a girl with OCD keeps, but now I am feeling even more anxious that I might have OCD. Then, after I think this I think that maybe I am just blowing it out of proportion and that it is just my GAD acting up. I mean I know I have anxiety and OCD is an anxiety disorder, so maybe I am just getting my symptoms mixed up. I don't know, but it's causing me a lot of mental stress right now. I kind of wish I could talk to my therapist right now, but we are on break for Christmas and I won't see her again until probably mid-January so I have to find ways to deal with this myself until then.

Also, part of the problem might be that school is out. It is kind of paradoxical because school can really stress me out and I feel a lot of pressure to do well in school. I am always wanting a break, but then when I get free time to relax like now, I don't know what to do with myself. I think staying super busy can stress me out but it also keeps my mind occupied and off of my anxiety to some extent. My anxiety definitely gets worse when I dwell on it or think about it, it just makes me increasingly more anxious. Now that I have some free time I have more time to think about my anxiety and that is not good for me . Okay, I just had to get this all out, thanks for listening.

3 Comments
  1. violet_xoxo 9 years ago

    Part of having a heightened sensitivity. I feel other people\'s energy in the same way..doesn\'t just happen in person. When I hear of bad things happening to someone I sometimes literally feel pain..like I\'ve been punched in the gut or something.

    Try not to focus on those labels. Find something fun to keep busy and your mind off the anxiety..a new hobby, immerse yourself in positive, funny, silly things. Listen to uplifting music and dance around the house. I hope you feel better soon. Take good care.

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  2. triggered 9 years ago

    I no longer eat M&Ms in pairs of matching colors with one on each side of my mouth (or other stuff like that… not stepping on cracks or joints in sidewalks or hallways) because I decided it was just taking up too much of my time (and the odd M&Ms in the bowl were taunting me!) 🙂 My point is that being obsessive or compulsive is probably natural to some degree. I wonder when it becomes a disorder… probably when it is disruptive to daily function?

    Even though school is out, I would try and replicate some of your routines but substitute some other activiy for class or studying… like going to the park or reading… I get messed up when my routines change but I try and accept substitutions for the sake of anxiety prevention. Sheesh… that sounds compulsive in hindsight. 😀

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  3. coolbeans 9 years ago

    Thanks for the support everyone. I am feeling a little bit better today, though I am still worried I might have OCD. Artless, you are right about challening the OCD symptoms right now, but a part of OCD is the intrusive thoughts and I don\'t know how to get rid of those.

    @Triggered, I sort my m&m\'s too! And you are right, a certain amount of stuff like that is completely normal. It\'s when you are doing behaviors repeatedly etc. because of your anxiety or to get rid of your intrusive thoughts that I think it becomes a disorder. Otherwise, you just like your m&m\'s sorted 🙂

    Serioulsy though, thank you for all your support and for caring, it means a lot to me 🙂 I am going to try to take it easy today. Take care ~ coolbeans

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