I may possibly become a musician soon. It’s what I’ve always wanted, but I find myself wanting to hold back. Why? ID understand…I want to SO BAD…why is this upsetting me to the point of near insanity? I wanna cry, smile, scream, and laugh all at once, but, still I start wondering “is it WORTH it? Is it WORTH my time?” Why?

  1. sullengirl76 2 years ago

    Well, I’m not a trained professional by any means, but I think there are a couple of things going on here. First, I suspect you have had the same goal for a long time and don’t really know how to envision what your life will look like once you attain that goal. That can be a very scary position to be in, especially if you deal with anxiety. (Anxious people sometimes cope by trying to be in control of everything.) I can relate to that – big time. But the good news is that, after having seen “the other side” of a few mountains I was terrified of climbing, I can tell you there is usually something better on the other side. And even if it’s not better, it’ll be new and different. Try to think of it as a thrill ride.

    It also sounds like you may be experiencing some classic fear of success. It can be pretty scary to let yourself enjoy receiving what you want. I know I have a hard time with that. For me, it is because of a long history of trauma in my childhood – losing close loved ones, being repeatedly disappointed, abuse, neglect, etc. Any time I get close to achieving a goal, I start to panic that “the Universe” won’t let me be successful. I wish I had some advice on beating that – I don’t. But I have been told I’m a good listener so if you ever want a sympathetic ear, you can borrow one of mine.

    Good luck on your journey!

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  2. Author
    piscesbs 2 years ago

    Pretty much a basic summary I guess… um… I also struggle with change and trusting people. Could also be due to being afraid of how people perceive my genderfluid. Thanks, though!

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