You know how the story starts, I met a girl and we were doing great for a while. We were both so happy. “Well what happened?” – you might ask. Honestly, I am still in the process of figuring that out. I’m not exactly sure. I was happy, thought I was in love. She struggles with a few mental disabilities, which at first I was very much willing and able to provide her support. We live 2 hours away from each other so it wasn’t a typical move-in the on the second date lesbian relationship. But I did have plans to move to where she lived (after 6 months). I just found it to become harder the more fights we got in. I asked myself “do I want the rest of my life to look like this!?” Mental disabilities are not joke. It takes a lot out of the person going through them and their support system. I tried to give her my everything. She claimed I did nothing. I was very willing to do all that I could to help her. But it dawned on me, I need to care for myself too. It just seems like impossible to be able to support her as well as myself. I also own a business and we talked about kids. I feel terrible because I did say and promise things to her. I felt those feelings at the time, but it all just became too much to bare for one person. Mind you, her other support was her mom and maybe one friend. I have tried to tell her to gain more support but she has trouble trusting people and meeting new people. I’m the only one she never lied to (Which is not true). There w as all this pressure that this was the ONE relationship that was going to last forever. I just don’t know why I did this to myself or to her. I feel like I have lost everything but at the same time saved myself from a life that was going to be extremely difficult. I don’t want to say that I broke up with her because of her mental disabilities but truthful I don’t know if that’s true or not. Does this make me a bad person!?
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The state of my life
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Can I die? Can I???
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