Okay, so I’ve been struggling with Intrusive thoughts which have made me feel not in control of my body. I went to a a friend to ask for help, more so to ask for a place to rant. After ranting for so long, they wanted me to get help from someone. That’s when I’d gone to the suicide hotline that brought me here. Now that i’m here, I feel a bit lifted from this dark place of depression. Yet, I still feel captured by this overwhelming sense confusion and helplessness. I know talking to someone won’t get rid of the intrusive thoughts. But, I thought it might calm them maybe? I don’t know. I’ve always wondered what people who don’t go through this feel like. I wonder if I will ever be mentally stable enough to be like them. “Normal” if you will. My mom doesn’t make it any better. She always refers to me as lazy, like my dad. He’s not the greatest but at least he supports me to some extent I guess. All I’ve ever wanted was to be understood, listened too. But I could never get the simplest things out of people. The ones who are supposed to love me and be there for me. I think this community is helping me. But then again I still feel like something is wrong. Maybe I expected too much. I always expect others to see my point of view. But I supposed I’ve been too optimistic with people. I really hope I can find some time for myself to reevaluate my mental stability and get checked out by a licensed professional, instead of having to deal with it myself. Maybe I’ll even get a girlfriend and settle down in a home fit for two people, or even have kids. Probably not through I’m not really fond of kids haha. If I find the right girl, I’ll decide then.