I wish someone couldn’t feel what I felt when I was most down. Feeling everything has become more of a hobby then my everyday life. For the most part it’s my fault and I try to take responsibility for the people that have caused me pain and anxiety that ultimately left me with this hole in my soul. I’m not those melodramatic people that just are selfish and carry on these emotions in the name of wanting attention. I don’t even want affection, I just want myself back, even if it’s for a day. I relive and relive hurtful memories that were so important to me as a person of coming of age. I was so young and I still am, but I miss something in myself that is far desperate and destroyed that shames me to even look for her. I’ve hidden from her for a very long time and at times when I see someone or something from who I used to be with. I don’t think about the hurt that had caused my anxiety to trigger uncontrollably as my brain fogs into a mess of my pain. I just can’t bare to bring back many emotions at once. I feel so alone and scared of myself and what I am capable of feeling over and over again. I feel so funny with myself that I feel like I will never get over it anymore. Maybe I haven’t. Maybe everything is nothing at all.