It’s been quite a struggle through the years. One thing after another. Watched the murder of a sibling and never had a home again. Throughout my adult life, I’ve been trying to pick up the peices and fit back into the norm of society after major trauma as a child and moving from place to place with different foster homes to eventually living homeless in ny at the age of 16. By the age of the 20 I had a decent job and was working hard with a place of my own, saving as much as I possibly could. I dedicated my life to making it fun and what i wanted it to be. Then I turned 23 and had everything I could have ever wanted. Custom built race car. 2 new harley Davidson’s and another sport bike and place to live. Then I got married and everything seemed to be going great. Then it hit me harder than anticipated. I married a woman with a child and added a lot of responsibility. Then my wife got pregnant and to get all the Bill’s paid and not be without utility or a place to live I had to sell everything I had spent time and effort building and buying. It’s been a years since I sold everything and the way in which things are going it looks like I wont ever have any of those things again until my late 50’s. Everyday I wake up take care of the family then go to sleep. I feel I have no time anymore, and that I’ve lost everything that I enjoyed in life. Im dead inside. It’s great knowing that I’m raising a family and that I’m important to others. I dont feel like myself anymore. Have all my dreams just collapsed. Am I now just a suburban dad. At the end of my life will i say that it was spent on others. Maybe I’m wrong for not only wanting to be a good dad. The anguish and turmoil of life now seems to have an ending with limited reward.
Missedthestartinggun, , Depression, Marriage & Family, Career, Child, PTSD, Relationships, Sleep Disorders, 1
i’m not gonna say “welcome to parenthood,” because that’s not even right. It shouldn’t be THAT hard to keep going and make ends meet. You’re right: the humdrum routine does get real old, real fast, and makes you feel like what you have done means nothing.
Sometimes, it can help to talk to someone ‘outside the box’ of your life—to give you some perspective from an outsider looking in, instead of an insider trying to climb out.
And, limited rewards generally come with those with limited potential and/or no real motivation. You don’t sound like either—just sayin.