I always get really sad about random shit. I’ll be doing okay and having fun genuinely feeling okay talking to a friend. Then I just slowly feel worse and worse as I fade into nothing and despair when the person who abandoned me after I attempted suicide merely exists in the same room as me. And then I feel terrible about that, cause I know someone who’s going through the exact same shit as me, and I guess they’re just better than me cause they’re already over it; they’re all like “people get to decide what they feel about shit” oh I get it, so people can abandon you after you try and kill yourself and that’s just fucking moral right? Yeah sorry for being so fucking sensitive okay? Seriously I am sorry, but agh. I hate having to feel like absolute trash for whatever I do. Sorry I think eating pie without a fork and knife is gross, I guess I’m being fucking judgmental, right? Right? What because the popular kids like making themselves into a joke for the school to laugh at, really? You think those people need to be saved from a bit of judgement. Yeah. I’m still thinking about this same fucking conversation that happened a week ago. I know I should be grateful that you’d decide to stay up until 1:44 am talking to me over the phone about how much I wish I was fucking dead, but all I can think about is how much you hate me now. I never say any of this fucking shit because I know it’s inherently ridiculous, and I’m just an insane fucked up kid who never says anything when they’re pressed. I know this comes off ungrateful; I guess I just feel like shit want to take it on people who aren’t trying to do harm because they don’t care about me in my head.
I don’t think your crazy I think your self aware enough to realize things are shit. It’s not an easy realization to come to for a lot of people so most just sweep it under the rug instead of seeing things for what they are. As someone who has come out the other side of bullying in highschool and the whole popular fitting in thing those same popular kids usually get a kick in the teeth from life when they get older and realize popularity in high school doesn’t get them that far. I’ve seen it so many times.
Thanks for saying so. Sorry I haven’t been on in a couple of days. Sometimes I just get paranoid that everyone hates me which is why I’m on a website like this for a little while; and then I stop coming onto it for a bit because I think everyone wants me to die.
Oh trust me I definitely know the feeling. I found this site through someone on the suicide hotline.
Yeah same. Though it was actually a couple of months ago; I finally decided to try and come on here. I’m glad I did.
Same.