I don’t want to go to school tomorrow. I have to talk to my Spanish teacher about an assignment she didn’t get on Canvas because it didn’t load. And of course it’s going to have to be Spanish so I’ll have to stumble over myself even more than usually when just existing. And bureaucracy, so I have to fill out more forms by the 22nd to get into the college I want. I hope it’s worth it. Honestly my life just isn’t that great to begin with so I’m hoping for some amorphous future in which I feel better than I do now. Maybe if I get into the college I want I’ll get nice friends and nice things.. Nice things are nice, I’m glad I have that. Little things stop me from killing myself. Like the bookmark I use, the books I have, or the blankets I use, these things feel… Comfortable. And I guess I’d rather have them than not if I’m going to be reborn into some even worse life. I figure if this whole rebirth thing and karma is true then I’ll have been a pretty bad person already for dealing with being in agony every time I wake up; and so I’ll be born into a family with two addicts for parents the next time around if there is another one (especially with the suicide being my cause of death and all). I also kind of feel like my friends hate me. I think people hate me a lot because I hate myself. I’m not sure what to do about that.. I try my best to not I guess. I hate myself a lot of the time because I’m depressed and ruin my chances of having friends by talking to people when I’m depressed. So I try to avoid doing this, but that just make me feel even more sad. But I know I’ll be even more sad if I don’t have any friends because they all hate me for being depressed all the time and leave me. Oh well I guess…. I hope I get over myself and find the strength to text my friends despite the fact that I think they’ll despise me for doing so. If they do it’s better to find out sooner than later.. But then I think to myself what if I keep it to a minimum maybe then we could still be friends.. Or what if they could just be the type of friend you talk to, but don’t really depend on.. But what if that’s the kind of friend you can’t have because you always ruin those kinds of friendships? Maybe I should just die because I always come up with these endless scenarios. I don’t know..
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Change and trying to welcome it.
Solo_Hans, , Depression, Borderline Personality Disorder, Personality Disorder, Relationships, Therapy, 0
Well, things are happening. My entire month off has been largely blown… didn't get what I feel I really...
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Dear Anxiety can you like……F**k Off?
brokencrayon, , Anxiety, Depression, Anxiety, 3
Wow. Anxiety is a relentless leech sucking the freaking little life I have in me. I feel like I...
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What I have come to realize
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Well, I have remained single since my last post. It's something that when asked I may say I love...
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Okay I know I am writing alotta blogs but
thefreed, , Anxiety, Anxiety, Child, Questions, Relationships, Religion, 1
READ THIS, it's pretty interesting. I stole this from http://www.criticalthinking.org/articles/the-role-socratic-questioning-ttl.cfm The Role of Socratic Questioning in Thinking, Teaching, &...
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Internalizing Trauma
mkatmba, , Anxiety, Wellness Tips, Addiction, Anger, Anxiety, Depression, Domestic Abuse, PTSD, Relationships, Sex Therapy, Sleep Disorders, Weight Loss, 0
It is understandable that someone who has experienced a significant trauma may choose to actively repress the disturbing memories...
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When It Interferes With Work
BeBe0227, , Anxiety, Depression, OCD, Career, 1
What do you do? When the paranoia and the thoughts interfere with work so much you can’t handle being...
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What to do?
Tigerlass, , Depression, Anger, Borderline Personality Disorder, Depression, Medication, Personality Disorder, Questions, Relationships, Schizophrenia, Sleep Disorders, Suicide, 0
I don't know what to write……I can't stop crying…..I don't want to be here anymore….I'm not cut out for...
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The dice are still rolling
MORPHEUS, , Depression, Anxiety, Career, Questions, Self Help, Sleep Disorders, Therapist, 0
This may end up being a textbook case of "Morph, don't blog when you're sleep-deprived". But let's rolll the...