I’m stuck . Useless . Failing . Not enough. I can keep going but it’s not even worth it . Nothing is . I’m never understood . Nothing and I mean nothing I say matters . Do I care ? Ofc I do . Do I get told I’m don’t and have nothing to say bc that’s how they feel ofc . My days have been a repeated cycle . Wake up . Stay in bed . Eat if that . Go to sleep . Repeat. I have no motivation, energy, or drive to do anything . I stay in my room on my phone bc that’s the only place where you can fake it . Everything is perfect on the internet is it that way in rl ofc not . Me with so many others are struggling . And it’s  hard to get back up . I try to be the best me I can be but who even am i ? Idek I get told I’m all things and I’m starting to believe it . That’s a problem right ? But is it ? The people your surrounded by know you . So when they say your trashy , a whore , etc . Why not believe them . When you don’t know who you are you tend to listen to the things put in your head . I stay in my room all day everyday bc what’s my purpose? My room is my safe place the only place I actually feel at rest . Well that’s what I thought . But it doesn’t even feel like my safe place anymore . I don’t talk . About myself what so ever bc at this point I’m not even myself and Idek who that is . At night ? Oh I cry and bash myself . I’m a failure. I’m not enough. I’m a bad daughter. A bad friend. A bad sister . A bad granddaughter. A bad existence. So much more . I wear what I feel comfortable in and I’m dressing trashy . When in reality. I’m trying to show that it’s ok to where what you want .  Do I like my body ? Absolutely not . Do I put on a show ? Well ofc is I don’t who’s gonna do it for me ? I try to live life to the fullest , bc we only get one life , but what is the definition of life . Suffering? Depression? Anxiety? Self sabotage? Toxic ? Painful? Yup all of those things .  Who am I ? I’m lost , confused, so much more . What do I like about myself ? Nothing .  Do I try to ? Ofc I do , I try to pass , I try to get better , I try to be enough . But none of it is worth it . Nothing is . Bye now . “