I don’t know will all this ever end….One thing after another, something is constantly happening to me right at the time when I start to sort out things. I had quite a sad month. Somehow I can handle all this work-school-work thing, even though I failed my first test…I was ready for it, but because I was supertired after work I couldn’t concentrate and the result…oh…I was so upset. But my money problems are just killing me. My laptop went down, so I had to buy new one. Now dentist adds up. Maybe for someone it doesn’t seem a lot, but in my situation now – it’s way to much for me…The worst thing – a lot of expenses are coming up, and I don’t know how to handle all it…I just don’t know….My head is ready to blow. I don’t feel secure about my future, I don’t feel secure about anything. My private life is still a mess. On the one hand it’s so frustrating that our relations turned out into all long-distance thing, on the other I understand that I wouldn’t be able to pull out normal reations if he was here. But I need him in real, at least for a little bit. Sometimes I think that I live in a fantasy world, sometimes I think "what if…", sometimes I feel like to say "go to hell – you and your job". It’s all because I don’t see the end of this. We planned a lot of things, but they are delaying and delaying, for months.  I’m afraid to wish for smth. I become paranoid about some things, and I feel so lonely. The only one person whose help I’d like to accept, who could give me strength and calm me down, is not able to do it now….

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