I woke up at 4 something in the morning due to my sleeping disorder as if I never went to sleep. I started scrolling on social media when I came across this post from this woman. She went on live to record herself visiting her son’s crash site. Her son committed suicide by causing the car crash. I started to remember the time she went on live trying to look for him when she started noticing strange behavior about his “disappearance”. I can remember the hurt she was feeling when she found out his tragic pass. I immediately started crying. That poor woman lost a child l, her eldest child at that matter, under the worse circumstances. I can only imagine how my own mother were to feel to lose her youngest child to the same, yet, tragic circumstances. I’ve been having suicidal thoughts for years. I love my mother more than love itself but it’s not enough to keep me alive. I don’t ever want to hurt my mother but unfortunately I’m gone have to in order for me to get away. I don’t know want to do. Having the urge to commit suicide is stronger than having the urge of having the will to live.