I’ve never been able to open up to anyone without feeling like I’m being judged, brushed off, made fun of, or just attention seeking. I bottle everything up because when I try to communicate I feel sensitive. I don’t know who to trust anymore. Im also so unbelievably self aware and I eat away at myself trying to change every little thing I can about my personality. I see through everyone. When I get to know someone it’s like I can tell if they are as aware as I am, or if they are just stuck in their own fantasy of how life should be.
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God, I relate to this so much. I am always analyzing people to see if they are analyzing me as much as I am analyzing them… and also feeling like I am spreading a disease of negativity as soon as I try to talk to anyone about how I am feeling. And then when I do share something vulnerable, I feel pitied or judged. I wonder if that’s just a projection of our own self criticism though, and not how people actually think