i’m brand new to these kinds of things and i don’t know much about how they work. I just feel like i want and need a piece of mind. I have a huge anxiety and depression , self doubt etc. that was inflicted on me from things as a kid i’d much rather forget. i’m 18 and I feel like i’m dying but alive for the first time. The biggest fear for me is that i’m scared of just about everything because i feel i won’t be safe.
Only people on earth who can always make me feel safe are obviously my parents but at some point I leave and go on my own but it’s terrifying to me that I won’t feel as safe as I do now . Maybe it’s the fact of growing up i fear or how I have to make do with what I have. I’ve been through a rough patch this past year and couple months. My heart was broken I fell in love with and they made me feel safe , the feeling i got from them was way beyond anything on earth and felt it like a fire of a thousands suns. Anyway they left me alone expecting to carry the weight by myself. Hardly these i can’t even recognize who i am cause i’ve gotten so much worse. I try to breathe and think and remember who and what i wanna be for myself and only me but i seem to fall short a lot these days. I was broken down for nothing by people who should’ve never hurt me, or so they say.
How do you feel better about things that constantly rush through your brain and leave you waking up at night in absolute fear? I am trying my hardest to be a better person for me and my family and friends , i’m just scared i’m gonna fall short and get too sad that i won’t come back from it. My family always pulls me out of the funks I through and I love them with my heart and soul but i’m scared to leave cause. What if i’m not okay by myself ?
I met someone new but i can’t let myself get that close to anyone cause i will never feel the love i felt before and it scares me cause while they are perfectly fine they fucked up my life and i’m left to pick up the pieces. my heart feels like it’s gonna explode from being scared and i don’t want to feel this way anymore but i don’t know how to stop or change for the better if i find myself falling back. I don’t want a love if it’s filled fear and i don’t want to stay in this cyclone . Feels like your suffocating and it’s exhausting how much you can’t really bring things up to people around you because , you don’t wanna look like you can’t get your own shit together when plenty people have done it before. Feeling alone is exhausting you never feel fully satisfied and having anxiety blows it up more because you don’t know to breath while your drowning. I mainly need to just know how can i help myself without giving up pieces of myself , i can’t give someone else my life if i’ve never had it for myself. I need it back.