Well my mom bought some beer. And I don't know why I asked her to buy some strawberry flavored alcohol. I know I sound like an idiot calling it that but I'm not sure what it is. I guess I just want to fit in with my family. They all drink afterall, even my little brother who is only 19. Geez the most I did before I was 21 was taste sips of beer and wine. Dare I even type this next sentence… I was encouraged to try a shot of tequila by my mom. Yes I was over 21 but did she have other reasons for wanting me to try it? I mean she knows I'm on medication for depression/anxiety after all.
I'm truly beginning to worry about her and I guess my dad too. I mean the money they spend on this stuff, nearly 50 a bottle. And it ain't not small bottle either. I just want my parents back…the loving caring couple who did things with their children like play games and go places. I feel like I'm pulling teeth every time I ask to play Scrabble or another game with them. I feel like such an outcast in my immediate family. I would consider moving in with my grandma–dad's mom–but she already has my aunt and cousin living with her. She never drinks. And I mean never. She is a Baptist and I'm not sure why she doesn't but I consider her a stronger person for it. I couldn't bring myself to tell my grandma about my parents drinking…I'd love to but when I was a child I told her "mom lets me taste beer." From what I remember from being told that story, she just rolled her eyes or gave an odd look. But I know she doesn't approve of drinking. She is what I'd consider a very strong woman, my grandma. She raised 5 kids, the last two, my aunt and uncle, were only 15 when my grandpa died. So Grandma raised them on her own for the next 3 or so years.
I'd love to live with her and even my aunt and cousin but I don't feel I can…like I said, our family isn't the lovie dovie type. I hope I can be with my children. But at least I wouldn't have to worry about…things. I can't say driving because my parents have never done that, driven after they've drank too much…but then again, doesn't that open the door to a first time?
I wish I was stronger…not just for myself but for my little brother too. I wish so many things these past few days…they have yet to come true.


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