My depression has grown. Its heavy and thick. Before it was like a summer shower burst of it out of nowhere then it passed an sunny and bright again just a light drizzle enough for me to know it was there but nothing a ‘umbrella ” nap. Sex.food. ect could patch.

Now it’s like a nor’Easter blustery I feel the atmosphere change pressure drops and I’m flung in these sideways blowing sheets of rain pouring down I cant see any thing but it I want to see past it I need to see past it. Although I know I’m not deep I’m not cutting I’m not even sexually acting out.im just inverted and scared it will last long I dont want to go anywhere I’m trying to hide my lack.of leaving my room from my son (22) so I get dressed after he leaves so I at least look like I went out… but I’m a bad liar so i tell him and apologize for staying inside because I know hes is worried my daughter is busy with my new grand daughter so I don’t even let her see it at all she has her family to care for. I’m just so blue. I know I’m holding back tears every damn day I’m overly comical at times just so I dont have to be asked any questions because how are you? Is a question I cant answer and leaves me frazzled

I’m need to snap out of this… I need too feel like myself but what is that I was always running. And now I’m here with myself by myself an trying to deal I never thought it would be like this I’m afraid of my own brain

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