My depression has grown. Its heavy and thick. Before it was like a summer shower burst of it out of nowhere then it passed an sunny and bright again just a light drizzle enough for me to know it was there but nothing a ‘umbrella ” nap. Sex.food. ect could patch.

 

Now it’s like a nor’Easter blustery I feel the atmosphere change pressure drops and I’m flung in these sideways blowing sheets of rain pouring down I cant see any thing but it I want to see past it I need to see past it. Although I know I’m not deep I’m not cutting I’m not even sexually acting out.im just inverted and scared it will last long I dont want to go anywhere I’m trying to hide my lack.of leaving my room from my son (22) so I get dressed after he leaves so I at least look like I went out… but I’m a bad liar so i tell him and apologize for staying inside because I know hes is worried my daughter is busy with my new grand daughter so I don’t even let her see it at all she has her family to care for. I’m just so blue. I know I’m holding back tears every damn day I’m overly comical at times just so I dont have to be asked any questions because how are you? Is a question I cant answer and leaves me frazzled

I’m need to snap out of this… I need too feel like myself but what is that I was always running. And now I’m here with myself by myself an trying to deal I never thought it would be like this I’m afraid of my own brain

 

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2 Comments
  1. katerinakoski78 5 months ago

    Sorry you feel this way. I’m very deep in depression now, I go to work, other than that I simply can’t function. I don’t feel anything. This episode has started 9 months ago and I’m losing hope it will ever get better. My life is a mess and the guilt of not being able to be a good mom to my 2 little girls is eating me alive. Shame, no way out. I’m scared, I’m a single mom, I gotta work, well, Im not sure how much longer I’ll be able to…..
    So yeah, hope this will soon pass for you! Keep fighting!

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    • reerah17 5 months ago

      I am praying for you. I know how it is to go through the emotions of life without really participating in it. Life is hard and dealing with depression makes it harder. All I have is my faith in God and the love of my own children to get me through these times. Thank you for sharing. Just knowing I am not alone helps

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