Today was a good step on my road to recovery I feel. I began my day by taking a mental self-inventory and making a list of things I am greatful for. I found this in several self-help books I was reading and I found that actually it helped me to know there were little things to see even in the vast sea of depression.

I was also reading a book last night before bed on the power of positivity, and so I made it a goal today to smile more and try to enjoy the little things in my day. I shared a joke with a coworker, I listened to music and really got emotionally into some of the peppy songs I was listening to, and lastly, I expressed great grattitude to my family for dinner and sharing some of their time with me.

It wasn't all good though, I have been attempting not to contact my ex or look at her facebook, but I ended up finding myself with a desperate urge to at work as the day wore on. I took heart in the fact that I didn't actually contact her, though I did log onto facebook and check her profile. She's been spending time with a guy when we were previously talking and she said she wasn't ready to date anyone, him or me, but I had this constant fear I'd log on to see "In a relationship" on her profile. This weakness broke me for about an hour or two and I felt all the depression come back hard.

Fortunately I am very resourceful, I started googling some little bits of advice here and there. I know a lot of stuff like "keep your mind on you" or "remember you can only change your own actions" might not seem like it'd be helpful, but even obvious advice helps me when I get down, I just need reminded and steered in the right direction.

My family was really amazing to me. They helped me redo my room so it was less depressing (I had all black curtains, my room was a huge cluttered mess and there weren't any "happy" things in site) and today I came in to find they had bought me new bedding and added posters to my walls, plus a few other touches here and there. I am extremely greatful for their support, because it really makes me feel that even if the person I love the most is not in my life at the moment, I am loved and there are people there for me.

Now I will start my homework, possibly work out and put an end to my 14 hour day with some sleep.

3 Comments
  1. ancientgeekcrone 7 years ago

    It may seem like the end of the earth, that she is seeing another guy. Remember this, You will never be truly happy, if your important other doesn't voluntarily stay with you. If she returns for any reason besides just wanting to be with you; then her return is bogus. You want genuine people in your life.

    Good luck  to you!

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  2. writinggirl24 7 years ago

     aww. thats great!! 

    I love your blogs! 

    and yes i read alot of self help books. I find them really helpful! 

    I'm trying to find all the things to be grateful for despite the depression too. 

    Life is amaziing and worth living. even though we all dealing with our own battles and issues right now. 

    they will get better and we will be good again one day ! 

    take care. 

    Ps. love how your family is helping (=

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  3. Andie372 7 years ago

     Good for you reading self help and positive books.  About the ex, a break up is a loss, so allow yourself to grieve over it.  It's okay to feel sad about it.  Just don't let it bring you too far down.  You sound like a really great person.  

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