yea, right now i\'m happy:) i get so caught up with all my depression sh*t, and just all the BS in my life that sometimes it brings others around me down and i lose sight of what are the most important things in my life; family, my recovery, and ofcourse, my GF.
well yesterday morning, i had somehwere to go with my GF. i was nervous as hell for noyb reasons. but as i always do for her, i refuse to give in to my anxiety/depression/etc. i just do whatever it takes b/c i am so fortunate that she is in my life and i need her to know i would and will do anything for her.
so ofcourse, as always i went. i had many fears, and sometimes things get hard b/c of the anxiety, etc. but i have to say, that as nervous as i was yesterday, (probably one of the most nerve wrenching days in awhile(apprehension), i went, EVERYTHING went great. it was one of the best days i have had in a long time. i know i will still have all this nervousness and BS cause of all the sh*t i have to get done out here and things have been going slower than constipation cause of the finacial crisis, etc. but for this moment, I AM HAPPY, i am always happy in regards to her, but i can say that it lifted my spirits so much that not only did we have a great time, but i faced a really nervous situation once again and didnt give in to my fear, which i have been doing less and less of out here, i don\'t cancel things once things are planned, and as i said i am ALWAYS happy in regards to her and just knowing that i am with her. It is a wonderful feeling to be truly happy at the moment. i don\'t feel all depressed or anxious for a change, i dont have ideation, i feel good. it may not last b/c of my meds needing adjusted so bad, but atleast i have my appointment finally on aug.24th.
but the fact is even though i can\'t sleep once again, and i tried but had a nightmare(i have horrible nightmares, i\'ll just leave it at that) but atleast this time i woke up and just thought about how good yesterday was and that i still feel good, and feeling good when i am not around her is really hard.
i just need to enjoy this moment of bliss and know that I AM IN LOVE. and no matter how sh*tty life is, i try my hardest for what i face, and knowing that helps me to realize that i am worth so much more then i give myself credit for.
thanks for such a great day yesterday baby:)