I woke up today without the motivation to do anything. I also woke up feeling very alone, like there was something missing from my life. I just haven't been as well as I would like to lately. I think as a person I have had to learn to accept that I am unable to be who I want to be at this point in my life, and that is leading to a major internal struggle. I'm unhappy going to school, waking up alone, not having much of a purpose. I don't feel content like I want to. Of course, there are moments I do, but those moments have to end when reality strikes. I'm very sick of being this way. People tell me to not worry about it, but you can't tell me to do that because you don't understand how empty I feel. I don't feel like anything is right. Do you know how hard it is to live life with a feeling inside of you that aches for someone? I've tried so hard to push through it, but I feel empty. I thought it was a phase or something. But I just don't think about things people my age should think about. I don't think about going out at night, or asking lots of girls out, or stupid things like that. It's thoughts that are different. Why can't I have people that depend on me? Why can't I find someone to dearly love me? Why me? Why NOT me? I feel so trapped, like a lonely man in a boy's body. I want stability. I don't feel comfortable waking up and living a life that does not make me happy. I'm ready for a life where everything is okay, and although we may have bills we know we'll be okay. It might not be good to wish for time to go faster, but it's just moving too slow for me. I know what I want, and it's a struggle. I don't like to lose, nor do I like to give up. I'm so very stubborn, but I think soon it will make me a very happy man. At least, I hope so. I'm just going to spend my day in bed doing nothing. It gives me something to do.
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BC and cancer
TwistedxKiss, , OCD, Anxiety, Medication, OCD, Relationships, Sex Therapy, 1
So I successfully went to the gyno yesterday, got my exam like I wanted to (she really insisted it...
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Happy Anniversary?
coffeedad, , OCD, Anxiety, Depression, Grief, OCD, Relationships, Stress, 1
Two years ago this week, I married my wife. When she and I met, I was not in a...
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Very Very Scared
Mentally_Scorn, , OCD, OCD, 2
so, basically, i feel like i broke my perception on everything. my ocd is stuck obsessing mainly over the...
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Thoughts on those funks
crystalclear, , OCD, OCD, 1
Thanks to everyone who gave words of encouragement and understanding to me about that strange, end of the world...
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2am
Teee, , Anxiety, Depression, Marriage & Family, OCD, Child, Grief, Sleep Disorders, 0
It’s 2am. Again. Hoping I’ll reach sleep by 3 please. But the thoughts keep circling in my mind. There...
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Things of Thanksgiving
kit_pelican, , OCD, Questions, Suicide, 0
Hello all. Well, the Holiday Season is upon us once again and with tomorrow I thought I would list...
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Stop Raining, For the Love of All Things Fluffy, STOP RAINING
localocaloca, , OCD, Adoption, Anger, Career, Domestic Abuse, Grief, Questions, Weight Loss, 0
The following is an animal story/rant. If you have a weak stomach for animal neglect/abuse/abandonment, read with caution, because...
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=s
x0xnaomix0x, , OCD, OCD, Social Anxiety, 2
I want to say so much. I want to write all my secrets. But I can’t. Im fed up...