I want to say so much. I want to write all my secrets. But I can’t. Im fed up of not being able to say how I feel. I want to fit in but I can’t. Its all messed up. I can’t say what I want or think, I have to say certain things, I can’t do things or I must do some things. Im sick of my so called friends. Im not aloud to like the same music yet im not aloud to not like the music they like. Everything is copying. Arent friends meant to have things in common? I wish I could tell them what I like, music, say what I think and how I feel but I have became to shy cause gradually my confidence faded away and now, they wonder why Im so quiet. Its because I cant say anything with out their criticism. Why??? Argh. Im sick of not being who i want to be. It was the first day of school today after half term and already I want it to be the holidays. I hate school. I couldt even get through the first lesson without someone having a go at me. I mean of course I dont expect everyone to be nice but they dont have to be horrible every single day do they? I cant even stad up for myself which is totally pathetic but im not exagerating, I have lost all my confidence, it gradually wore away from me changing schools and being unhappy, i think thats mainly when OCD creeped up on me. Then i was stupid enough to think that when i managed to get back into the high school were all my old friends had gone a year later, i would be happy. Well im not. I cant decide whether OCD makes school harder or because of school, Ocd get worse maybe they cause each other. I used to want to stay in school. I used to be scared of what laid outside but now i cant wait to leave. I hate school and all the mean nasty picky people in it. I dont want to go the sixth form, i want to go to one far far away. Again i am wishing i will be happy but i doubt it. I cant talk to anyone anymore, only on here, not face to face. I want to get home schooled but i cant. Please dont write that I should be more confident cause seriously i just cant.

2 Comments
  1. buffster 12 years ago

    \..I’m ‘not going to tell you to be “more confident”..I’m going to tell you that 1 of these days..sooner or later..something will happen..something which will make something ‘click” inside your head..it may be someone pushing you too far..or someone demeaning or disrespecting you just 1 too many times..& then..all of a sudden..something inside of you just says “ENUF !!”..that is the point where assertiveness & self-respect kick in..granted those “friends” you have now will probably never accept you being this way..but again..as they’re really not your friends anyway being’s they don’t accept you “for” you..then you will find those whom you’ve more in common with & who accept you completely & entirely for who & what you are..I know..I was the timid “walk all over” person years ago myself until I ‘hit ‘my own “waterloo”..& God protect whoever crosses me ‘now..I’ve said this 2 several others in here however there is an old song from the group “Blind Melon” called “No Rain” about acceptance by peers which has a wonderful video complementing it..pull it up on Utube or something..you’re gonna be ok hun..& someday this will all just be a past memory..good luck & be strong..\

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  2. amelia83 12 years ago

    Naomi, I’m so sorry that you’re struggling right now. I’m not going to tell you to "be more confident" because I know from experience that it’s not that easy. But I also do know from experience that issues with friends that it’s not always this hard. I’ve had sooo many friend problems over the years and they DO get easier–as you get older, you’ll meet new people, people who don’t judge you, etc. And it’s hard, and there will be times, like now, when you’ll have to decide if it’s worth it to hold onto these friends even though they make you so miserable. But nicer people will come into your life. Do you think that the reason you lost your confidence is because of your friends treating you bad, or because of other reasons? I’m here for you….hang in there.

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