so, basically, i feel like i broke my perception on everything. my ocd is stuck obsessing mainly over the way the human brain works. when youre doing anything, feeling anything, watching anything, remembering anything, you can only process one scene at a time, the moment, even remembering things you can only replay them, whatever order, one scene at a time, the human brain cant focus on more than one thing that well. which is fine, never bothered me before, but it is now. i think it may just be my ocd wanting to get that "just right" feeling, and it feels wrong, but im scared it wont go away. thing is, i feel i need to intepret the whole situation aall at once, not subconciously like the mind does, but all of it consciously. if the mind could do this, itd be a nightmare for ocd, id imagine, being able to process things completely consciously at the same time, you wouldnt be able to handle it if you were obsessing on different things at the same time able to focus on both, or maybe you would, who knows as far as i know it is impossible for the human brain to do that. however, im scared i will not be able to ever enjoy and be ok with how the human brain works, living in the moment, enjoying the things in life, how do i do that? what if its never ok again? also my ocd is on ultra roids lately, i know for sure if this obsession doesnt fade i will need to off myself cuz i cant live with it, i just rlly hope that it does fade :/ im catholic, so i prayed to God, asked Him to help me be ok with it, to be able to enjoy life like regular people and even if i cant describe it right let everything be ok, even though i dont desrve His help. i told Him to help others who need help first though, theyre more important than me, and i genuinely mean that, although part of me, being human, rlly hopes He helps me, but i dont want Him to help me first, if its one or the other save the others, thats how i feel.anyways, im basically screwed, no i AM 500% screwed. but on a related side note, last night i wrote and recorded this song based on how i was feeling, it has vulgar language so if such language  bothers you, youve been warned, here it is:https://soundcloud.com/mentally-scorn/mentally-scorn-pulse