Today has started out rainy and gray again. It's bringing me down instead of comforting me like usual. Maybe it's lack of good sleep ~ I was up again at 2 a.m. last night and couldn't sleep for awhile. So I'm thinking I'm going to nap soon on the couch.

I went up to the feed store this morning and got bird food for my birds and the wild ones too. The old dog greeted me as usual with her usual tail wag and a request for a pet. She's such a sweetie. The guy who works there was a little tired and grumpy this morning, but I at least got him to smile for me.

The weather here is weird. It's almost like a tropical storm because the wind is so strong and the rains have flooded our yard and the roads somewhat. But I got up and it was 65 degrees outside ~ yaaay! That's the coolest it's been in a month! I opened up the house and turned off the AC to enjoy it while it lasted. No doubt this afternoon I'll have to close it up again, because with the humidity and the oncoming sunshine it's going to be steamy and hot.

My husband's coming home early so that he can be here while I go to my psychiatry appointment. I'm nervous about it today; not sure why. I really like my doctor and know he does what's best for me, but I'm really hoping he'll up the dosage on the Ritalin. It's not working as well as it was in the beginning. It's like I got better, but only halfway there once it settled into my system. So doubling the dosage might do a lot of good for me. It's nice to be on a drug that has so little side effects and doesn't muddle my thinking or my memory. I haven't had that happen since I started on medications for the bipolar depression 7 years ago.

I wish I was going to work this week. I'm not scheduled until next Tuesday and Wednesday. I'm bored and need to find something to do, but loathe cleaning. Every time I look at what needs to be cleaned I shudder. I am doing laundry though. I got really mad because my husband had been working with lyme at work and his clothes were covered in it and he didn't tell me that's what they were so I ended up getting my hands and arms powdered with it. Even though I washed well I can still feel the sting it brings on.

Oh my gosh! My poor ancient catPeggy just got blown off of her sleeping spot and thrown to the floor! She's okay I think, I picked her up and checked her out, but she's old and arthritic and only weighs about 5 pounds. My poor old girl.

I hope today is pretty uneventful. I don't think I can take any drama with how tired I am and feeling down. I wish I could convince myself to feel good, but I don't know how. I still can't weed and prune the flowerbed because of the rain, and I'm stuck inside either watching tv (blech) or reading or journaling. Maybe I'll bring Zeke out (my cockatiel) and play with him for a little while ~ we'd both enjoy that I think. He's become such a love, giving me kisses and cuddling with me when he starts to get tired at night. I'm so glad I got this bird as a mate for out dear late April. Zach was telling me that he misses her so much this morning. I wish I could take the hurt away for him, but there's nothing I can do but console him. Why does death have to be such a painful thing to those left behind?

I'm going to go find something useful to do, maybe that way I'll feel better about myself. Wish me luck at the doctor's and with the day. (((HUGS)))

4 Comments
  1. mentalhell 9 years ago

    Sorry you are feeling down sv 🙁 I often get problems with sleep aswell. Have you tried any relaxation techniques? A good one is where you breathe in then hold it and tense parts of your body, one part at a time, from your feet upwards. When you breathe out, gradually relax that part of the body. Also bring something to bed with you that smells nice. My psychiatrist told me smell is the quickest link to your body so if something that smells nice or reminds you of good memories can help relax you. It really helped me! Hope it can do the same for you:). The weather sounds crazy over there! Hope your cat is alright!

    Also good luck with you appointment, hope all is well. Hugs!

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  2. mentalhell 9 years ago

    *brain not body ahah

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  3. Andie372 9 years ago

    I know what it's like to have sleep difficulties. I take Temazepam to help me sleep but it doesn't always work. Sounds like an increase in Ritalin will be just what you need. Hope your psych spot is a good one

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  4. ancientgeekcrone 9 years ago

    Sounds like a regular day of life to me.

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